有、沒有

在網上看到這個故事，蠻有意思的…

有一個年輕人，大學畢業後準備報考研究所，並同時應徵了一份非常嚮往的工作，然而，似乎天不從人願，他研究所沒有考上，原先最嚮往的工作也沒有錄取，還跟女朋友分手。他受不了精神上的打擊，整個人變得極為憂鬱、退縮。

好朋友介紹他去向一位心理治療師求助，他憂愁地說：「我的研究所沒考上，想要的工作沒錄取，女朋友也告吹了，這些我都失去了，我現在什麼都沒有了！」

在跟治療師傾訴完自己的不幸之後，治療師耐心、微笑地問了他幾個問題：「怎麼會什麼都沒有呢？想一想，五年前的你有大學文憑嗎？」

「沒有。」

「對！所以現在的你比起五年前多了張大學文憑！」

「五年前的你有一技之長嗎？」

「沒有。」

「所以現在的你至少在工作實力上比起五年前要好了很多！」

「五年前你有跟你剛分手的女朋友在一起嗎？」

「也沒有。」

「所以現在的你也沒有比以前慘，不但如此，你還在大學裡交到了一群死黨！」

接著，治療師用一種興奮的口氣對他說：「想一想，這五年來你不但沒有失去很多，反而得到了很多，你的生命中多了很多原本沒有的東西！你的收穫多大啊！」年輕人頓時豁然開朗。

轉個角度，換個眼光，事情並不是想像中那麼糟。

別離的擁抱

不知不覺間有些人在自己身邊好一段日子，雖不是最好朋友的那種，平常的日子也沒太多的交通，但見到面時總是歡歡喜喜的。

最近就是有兩位這樣的弟兄姊妹要回港生活。心裡真有點不捨。對於別離，我是不太懂得應付，是會很眼淺的。大多都會選擇逃避臨離別前的眼光，眼睛望得太深就會觸動情感。因此我或會選擇來一個別離的擁抱來代替講話，是怕眼睛泄露了不捨而令場面難堪。上帝創造了擁抱，讓我們能用行動表示關愛、不捨、掛念和說不出來的感情並加上祝福，不需要眼睛或言語也能傳遞的信息。

願主祝福你倆路途平安。

Reflection: Lecture V - Dr. John H. Coe

It is not unusual to associate the 'feeling'/presence of God is a sign of contented spirituality, and this seems to give measure to one's spiritual maturity. Dr. John Coe has gave a profound lecture and sharing on the topic, which is an eye-opening experience to my spiritual walk. After four lectures on Spiritual Formation, it is wonderful, ideal and perfect, however, there is a missing piece. God is not always near, at least to my human sensitivity and sinful nature. Being told there's a place of perfection but recognize the reality of spiritual status is an ordeal. Sincere Christian doesn't settle with status quo, and deeds don't satisfy or fill the gap in between. God seems to be absence sometimes to devoted Christian. After the lecture, there are lots of reflection and confession of wrong doings to 'muscle up' the spiritual experience or being unreal to my spirituality.

The lecture reminds spiritual leader, which alot of time tempted to generate spiritual experience/feeling to themselves or the flock. The sensation of consolation itself is wonderful, however a toxic addiction when being faked.

Dear Lord, please help me to be true to my spirituality, whether in consolation or desolation. Help me to bring about a true, genuine and authentic spiritual life that even at times of drought, You can still shine through my cracked heart.

Lecture V-Drawing Near to God When God Seems Far Away:

Practicing the Presence of God Despite Feelings (Dr. John H. Coe)
"God, who is everywhere, never leaves, us. Yet He seems sometimes to be present, sometimes absent. If we do not know Him well, we do not realize that He may be more present to us when He is absent than when He is present." Thomas Merton, No Man is an Island

I've learned two new terminologies:
Consolation - Spiritual feelings of God's presence
Desolation - Spiritual feelings of God's absence

Notes from Dr. John H Coe:
Spiritual feelings do not necessarily correlate with maturity. If that is the case, spiritual feelings of God's presence (consolation) or absence (desolation) are less the result of our actions and more the gifts of God according to His purposes.

At times of Consolation, God purposefully to encourage us, give us a taste of the presence of God and to reinforce practicing spiritual discipline. In season of Consolation, it is a great time to give ourselves to spiritual disciplines, reading of the word, prayer. Open our heart deeply, soften the focus on everything else and focus on God, welcome a time of formation.

At times of Desolation, it is a time to mirror what in our heart. Faith practice of spiritual discipline to mirror what’s inside, to see part of our heart that will shock us. God needs to do a 'heart-surgery' to our heart that has falsely attached to something else other than God. "Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD." Deut. 8:2-3 When we are hungry, our heart to will open to God.

What is going on in this desolation, what is God doing?
Spirit of God wants to make our heart Him home.

Vice and sins in heart to be removed - purge the pockets in our heart that is filled with ourselves

Most of us will choose 'consolation' over 'transformation'. The Holy Spirit has a lot to fill us, He knows and desires more of us. God can only withdrawing to feel consolation to take us on a journey to deepen our relationship with Him.

Dark Nights: when God is going to purge the heart to draw nearer to you within.

Two forms of dark nights or seasons of purgation:
· First dark night of senses: for younger believers, purging them to the reliance of consolation, meaning the presence of God by feeling of consolation.
· Second dark night of the spirit: for older believers. Need to open new rivers of living water, where a good character developed a good theology in their life. Reliance upon their character, depend upon discipline and wisdom rather than on God.

2. What is going on in the dark nights:
· Biblically this stage is likened to Young mean: wrestle with the evil one, overcome him, you are strong, word abides in you. (IJohn 2:12-14)
· God withdraws spiritual consolation: At some point, bible reading, hearing sermon, prayer lose their pleasure dimension. Ministry loses its zest. The sense of our own good character no longer satisfies – we are left with experiencing the parts of ourselves that are filled with the self and not the Spirit – this is a gift to experience the truth of parts of ourselves – and so, we become hungry for God, we want to rivers of living water. (It is hard for us let go of consolation, like a baby wants bottle. God took the bottle away, in order to re-train our sense/discernment to open to His word.)
· The Experience: in the balance of our self and the Spirit working right through our psychological functioning, we typically experience dryness, distance from God, frustration, sense of moral failure, loneliness, spiritual impotence, confusion over allegiance to the world, self or God.
· How do you know if you are in a dark night:

a) During this time, it is very difficult to pray and do spiritual discipline. Holy Spirit is choosing to give you experience (a taste) of your heart that don’t like spiritual discipline. Sometimes when we aren’t excited about spiritual things because something else is in our heart.

b) Don’t want to meditate, prayer time less, because it becoming painful to see what’s going on with our soul.

c) Worry about the state of your soul, asking questions what’s wrong with me?

· Temptation in dark nights:
 a) Temptation to think I am doing something wrong.
 b) Pray harder, generate a spiritual feeling, making something up, trying to get that love and feeling back (e.g. reading spiritual books…etc.)
c) When it doesn’t work stop doing the discipline
d) When we silently despair that God will not come.

· Remember: God is so close: This dryness is a new, more profound work of God in our deep in order to have a true, honest relationship the Spirit is attempting to reveal the truth of ourselves in neediness, to help us despair of ourselves and independence and open us to declare our dependence on the Spirit (purgative contemplation). The is what it is to be filled with the Spirit to the level one can at the stage where they are still quite filled with their own autonomous hopes, desires, wants, joys, hatreds, sorrows etc. The Spirit intends to purge these from us to slowly fill us with His own hopes etc. Nevertheless, this purgative and negative-feeling experience is a profound work of the Spirit to open us to a deeper love based upon the truth of ourselves and His loving us in light of the good and the bad within us.

· What to do or how to experience these times of desolation/dark nights
a) Going through time of dryness may be a sign/work God is working in you. Open to that.
b) Spiritual discipline change in terms of their purpose. Mirror to reality.
c) About a person from the inside calling you to listen and to watch. What is it teaching and showing you.
d) A need to resist the temptation to spiritual fix yourself.
e) Expect and want nothing except what He has to give, follow the spirit.
f) Must resist the temptation to use spiritual discipline to generate spiritual feelings. Don’t muscle it up! NO! Just let it be! Open to His word.
g) Leaders of church, resist the temptation to generate spiritual experience to people. My task is to help people to open to consolation and desolation. Praying the experience.
h) Need to be faithful to continue to do the spiritual discipline that it becomes an opportunity.
i) Need to consider this spiritual dryness is an invitation to enter to truth of your heart and just ask the spirit to teach you…

A Poem dedicated to those who lost their home…

When the fire and wind are gone
The memories covered in the rubbles and ashes are still fond
The house is no more a shelter
The family holds each other together
The fire might fiercely burn longer and longer
Our family bond even stronger and stronger
Smoke arise to the sky carried a prayer to God
What lies ahead is a path remain broad
Keep us near and hold us close
In Your bosom is our cure dose
The bed and cover would keep us warm
In Your embrace we slumber till dawn

Please continue to pray for them to experience God's love in the midst of this ordeal...

捉緊我

捉緊我

曲、詞：周敏曦

在我身心困倦之時
唯 有你是我力量
讓我今天重返你施恩座前
求饒 恕，求憐 憫，
倚靠在你臂內

讓我屈膝於活水旁
求 你賜我力量
讓我今天重新到達你面前
蒙饒恕，蒙憐憫，得安慰

求你再捉緊我
別讓世間紛擾纏住我
請靠緊我心，給我多點勇敢
求讓我看見你更多

求你再捉緊我
用你釘傷的手變改我
疲倦裡再以熱能贈我

在我灰心失落之時
唯 有你是我力量
讓我今天重返你施恩座前
求饒 恕，求憐 憫，
倚靠在你臂內

讓我屈膝於活水旁
求 你賜我力量
讓我今天重新到達你面前
蒙饒 恕，蒙憐 憫，得安慰

求你再捉緊我
別讓半點灰心留住我
請靠緊我心，給我多點勇敢
求讓我看見你更多

求你再捉緊我
用你釘傷的手變改我
疲倦裡再以熱能贈我

感激你是我主，是垂聽禱告的主
求讓我再靠著你振翅高飛
求你再捉緊我
別讓半點紛擾纏住我

請靠緊我心，給我多點勇敢
求讓我看見你更多
求你再捉緊我，
用你釘傷的手變改我
疲倦裡再以熱能贈我
明日裡與我共行緊貼著我

Family Tuesday

Every Tuesday is Family Night. The kids will be back and dinner at home. It is so amazing to see Jacob grow. He is able to pick up the spoon and feed himself. After dinner, it's exercise time... !

「色‧戒」

張愛玲的書就只看過「張看」。一般張愛玲的小說也不是容易看的，文化、詞語都有別於一般流行小說。其中「傾城之戀」和「半生緣」是比較熟悉又給拍成電影的故事，那兩齣戲應該是看過，但不太有印象。最近人人都在討論那齣「色‧戒」，電影當然沒有看過，書就反倒看過。收錄在「惘然記」中的「色‧戒」，只是廿多頁的短篇小說。故事不怎麼吸引，也沒什麼特別的情節，更沒有什麼的印象，亦非現在報章吹捧的那樣。我想我這個只有小六中文程度的我，真的不太懂欣賞這類作品。那些情慾戲份在書中只是很含蓄的交代罷了，製片商的手段是誇大及虛張聲勢來賺多個票房吧。

是藝術或是色情；是一齣荷李活導演的傑作還是電影商人給色情電影披上的糖衣？我不懂判斷也沒有資格去判斷。前期香港要拿聖經送檢，若這個「色‧戒」也拿去檢一檢結果又會是怎樣？

率真

婚禮的致謝詞一般都是感謝父母時最感動。今天聽到的致謝詞都感動。是一份率真，叫就算沒有美麗的措詞及修飾的語句也能刺激淚腺，叫視線模糊。幸福是真的會感染別人。今天就是沾染了這一點點的氣息。能夠成為彼此心目中世界唯一，雖然每一天都相見，但總有這麼多問不完的問題。對彼此的好奇心就是不會減滅，反而與日俱增。兩個人簡簡單單的生活，就是不用太多言語的幸福。

選擇仰望衪的笑臉

「我的心啊，你為何憂悶，為何在我裡面煩躁？應當仰望神，因衪的笑臉幫助我。」詩篇42:5

本來三個小時的等候，對我這個急性子是一種煎熬。最怕是別人手腳慢，心裡會盡是責罵。但這三個小時在Costco等候換呔的時候卻轉為一個小小的空間、一個自己和主耶穌的約會，把那些久‘未分類’的心情與心聲一同翻閱和歸類。

是煎熬、是安靜；是認真、是敷衍；是回首、是仰望也是一念。是另一種眼光，來尋覓天父偶爾裝飾過的祝福。

誤會：用行動讓周圍的人更深入瞭解你的機會。
失敗：避免重蹈覆轍，邁進向成功的踏腳石。
創傷：來到神面前經歷屬天醫治的特權。
苦難：鍛鍊信心更加純淨的爐火。
壓力：增加工作效率的助手。
貧窮：引動我來領受屬靈豐富的激素。
批評：光照我盲點的雪亮鏡子。
拒絕：開啟另一道門的同義詞。

抬頭仰望天父，衪在黑雲之上展現一張微笑的臉。