天父的氣息

來了南卡州幾天，沒有太多可以安靜的時間。這兩天都在遊覽，哥哥嫂嫂爸爸媽媽都十分熱情的要帶我去北卡州的Biltmore Estate看一看，真的盛情難卻。的確是個很有遊覽價值的地方。在行車途中都是山草樹木，雖然都枯乾得只有枯枝，只是一片一望無際退色了的荒原林木。嫂嫂說幾個月前這一片的楬色卻是一片紅黃橙秋色，十分美麗，雖然沒有看見，但能想像得到會是一幅多麼漂亮的景色。這一切都在冬天安睡，為的是要休養生息在生命從臨的春天再展絇麗。這樣的循環定律是天父安放在造物之中的密碼。

今天終有一些安靜的時間，睡得很好，因時差還未調效好，當地時間十點多才起床。向家人問安之後就進入最祈待的安靜讀經祈禱中。因為家人不厭其煩的好意要我在南卡置業，令我十分煩躁，祈禱過後，把紊亂的心情都放在主的手中，情緒平靜下來。在安靜中，可感到的是天父的氣息。是與主同在的一份安全感，就算在家人眼中是多麼的幼嫩和長不大，就算對於未來還不很有信心，就算是否真的要置業，在一切的不明朗當中仍很滿足。罝業其中的一個目的是為了保障明天的一種安定，似乎每個像我這樣年紀的人都在做的事情。那天在機上遇到的人提意看的申命記28章有這樣的看見，一個人是否得福，在乎的不是家財萬貫，有田有樓有地，而是是否遵主旨意而行。真正的安定是在繁忙之中找歇息的空間，在主裡歇息之後又重新得力的把自己投進動盪的人群之中，為的是叫別人也同得主裡的平安，也能沾染一點天父的氣息。

Our Christmas Night

最好的禮物

經過差不多九小時多的行程，聖誕節的早上終抵達北卡州的機場。一向相當瞓得的我，也一如平日的一上機就瞓到不醒人事，依稀記得是一個墨西哥裔男子，提著一個電子琴坐在我旁，他面帶笑容非常有禮貌，十分眼瞓的我只可回一個友善的笑容就睡著了。差不多臨落機的十五分鐘前坐在我隔離位的先生在一張紙巾上寫了三句墨西哥話。第一句是「耶穌愛你」、第二句是「我愛你」、第三句是「It’s better to be poor than a liar」。放在紙巾旁還有一本西班牙話的聖經。他看到我睡醒不禁問我從那裡來要往那裡去，簡單幾句的交談之後知道他在聖誕節要回到闊別十五年的家鄉，這是他給他母親的聖誕禮物。然後他拿起他的聖經翻到申命記第二十八章，他說有機會的一定要看這章聖經。大家都用了短短十多分鐘的時間分享信仰，他要把福音帶到家鄉Guatemala的人民，這是給主耶穌最好的聖誕節禮物。

耶和華定意

很久以前預備主日學時在聖經中看到新的發現 ，當時的興奮記憶猶新。是的，神在聖經中放置的一言一話都有衪獨特的意思，沒有多餘，也沒有缺欠。趁這個假期真的要好好讀經，在聖經中掘金。

「求你賜我悟性、我便遵守你的律法，且要一心遵守。」詩篇119:34
「你的言語在我上膛何等甘美，在我口中比蜜更甜。」詩篇119:103

舊約中的「小」人物 ─ 亞希多弗

撒下 15:12-34; 16:15-23; 17:1-34; 代上 27:33-34

有關亞希多弗
1. 名字解作 – 愚蠢的弟兄
2. 大衛的謀士 (撒下15:12; 代上27:33)
3. 基羅人 (基羅是位於希伯崙東北山區的小城)

亞希多弗的出場 (撒下15:12-34)
1. 背景: 押沙龍在希伯崙自稱為王，私自獻祭，亞希多弗是起勢做反的叛黨之一
2. 亞希多弗不是一個真正信神的人
a. 參與在押沙龍不合乎神心意的獻祭
b. 背叛神膏立的君王，倒戈相向
c. 不合神真理的計謀

亞希多弗獻押沙龍的兩個計謀 (撒下16:15-23; 17:1-14)

1. 羞辱大衛，與大衛的妃嬪在日光之下親熱 (v. 20-22)
a. 應驗先知拿單的預言 (撒下12:11)
b. 一雪平頂上的恥辱 – 撒下11:3 vs. 撒下16:22

人物關係 – 撒下11:3; 23:34b

大衛當年在平頂之上看到拔示巴動淫念犯下殺人奪妻的罪行，亞希多弗正是拔示巴的爺爺。拔示巴的父親以連是基羅人亞希多弗的兒子。

2. 亞希多弗之計 (v. 1-4)

精兵12,000
今夜…追趕
趕盡殺絕，趁大衛疲乏手軟，乘勝追擊(撒下17:1-4)

亞希多弗失敗的原因
1. 不肯寬恕
2. 自我中心，以為自己是神 (撒下16:23)
3. 耶和華定意破壞亞希多弗的良謀 (撒下17:14b)

聰明如亞希多弗的良謀也不及耶和華的定意。聰明加上敬畏神的心才算是有智慧。真正屬神，有基督生命的信徒是假裝不了、也模仿不到的。生命的榜樣源於每天與神有親蜜關係而引發的果效。我們有否忠心每天定時吸取神的話語？生命流露著神話語的真實，活出並堅守上帝的原則，把人帶到上帝的面前？作神委派在小組、家庭、工作中的好謀士呢？

讀心

人與人之間的相處，說易也不是易，說難也不是難。能與別人交心、分享，讀到別人的心，也同時容讓對方讀到自己的心，過程中有交流、有發現亦有追尋。神給我們有溝通的能力是要我們學懂怎樣透過分享去明白別人的心，然後關懷，勸勉，若有需要便引導。讓每次傾訴之後對對方、對別人、對自己、對週遭的事物都有嶄新的體會，也因為能幫助到別人說出內心的境況而令他更明白自己和身處的環境中。

人都是滿有好奇和發掘心的，姑勿論是自己或別人的，也希望知道。什麼「志雲飯局」，「有緣相聚」不就是在滿足觀眾對不能觸及的明星的好奇心嗎？現今的人都是滿有即食文化，希望不費神不費時就能知道別人的心態和私隱。我不相信單憑電視廣播或電腦傳話就可了解一個人，從而成為好友。我深信上帝創造溝通是為了造就我們有更美好的靈性和品格而存在的，也必須花上時間以心靈相交。

愛。這個字就是包含著犧牲。在說要愛的一刻也必須明白到這個字的背後意思。時間上和心力上的消耗是必然的。其實在被聆聽的同時也不忘去聆聽，人與人之間的言語總能找到一些弦外之音。關懷是從聆聽起。

天父每時每刻都在守候著，祂的心多麼希望附聽我們的傾訴，也同時希望我們花時間去了解祂的心。我們說要愛主，但總不給祂時間，也不撥發調整時間來與愛我的主相聚，這說不過去。自問也沒有好好給恩主留時間，真的是個很不像樣的基督徒。

願這個聖誕假期，給主好好修剪一下我這個滿有瑕疵的人。

A Remarkable story of Love

An excerpt from a book... Next Door Savior by Max Lucado

A man had been injured in a fire while attempting to save his parents from a burning house. He couldn't get to them. They perished. His face was burned and disfigured. He mistakenly interpreted his pain as God's punishment. The man wouldn't let anyone see him - not even his wife.

She went to Dr. Maltz, a plastic surgeon, for help. He told the woman not to worry. "I can restore his face."

The wife was unenthused. Her husband had repeatedly refused any help. She knew he would again.

Then why her visit? "I want you to disfigure my face so I can be like him! If I can share in his pain, then may be he will let me back into his life."

Dr. Maltz was shocked. He denied her request but was so moved by this woman's love that he went to speak with her husband. Knocking on the man's bedroom door, he called loudly, "I'm a plastic surgeon, and I want you to know that I can restore your face."

No response.

"Please come out."

Again there was no answer.

Still speaking through the door, Dr. Maltz told the man of his wife's proposal. "She wants me to disfigure her face, to make her face like yours in the hope that you will let her back into your life. That's how much she loves you."

There was a brief moment of silence, and then, ever so slowly, the door knob began to turn.

**The way the woman felt for her husband is the way God feels about us. But he did more than make the offer. He took on our face, our disfigurement. He became like us. Just look at the places he was willing to go: feed troughs, carpentry shops, badlands, and cemeteries. The places he went to reach us show how far he will go to touch us.

He loves to be with the ones he loves.
Everything dim in light of HIS love...

Read me like an open book...

我這個人十分簡單。

喜歡簡單的人與事，喜歡就喜歡，討厭就討厭，開心就喪笑，憤怒就發火，傷心就流淚，大放大鳴，不用演戲。

所以，我最愛小孩子及小動物。

電光幻影聖誕夜後...

We just want to Thank YOU, for the works that HE has done...

Yes, it was a blast last night!!!

Thanks Bonnie for your serving, faithful and thoughtful. You are very precise on every details, thank you!

Phillip: sorry that we didn't get to play all the games that you prepared. I am sure those game idea will get to play in fellowship in the near future, please keep the thought in mind.

Thomas: Thanks for taking care of the equipment and transporting them with your guys' team. Please help and find out where we can develop the photos and pass back to our guests. Thank you.

Michael: hehe.. good partnership doing MC first time. Sorry for the rush schedule.... for the credit that was put on your credit card, please feel free to make it your own offering to Jesus... (haha... )Thanks for everything, getting the gift card and many more... =)

CinCin: Thanks for being there, taking care of those behind the scene... the seating, point counting and stuff...

Adam: Nice preformance last night... we really thought that you would.... hohoho... thanks for your faithful service in worship team... you made it, lo lake in 2008!

Silvia: Thanks for leading worship last night as you also lead sunday worship too, I am sure you are very tired. Thanks for your effort and faithfulness.

Rebecca: Thanks for always lending your helping hands to worship team, although you are not officially on the team, every bit your effort and spirit count!

Ben, Stanley, Eddie, Eric and Lemon: Thanks guys for the lighting, PPT, helping out with the decoration and transporting the equipment. Your work might not be seen on stage, but it won't happen as nicely without your behind the scene work. Thanks!

Icy: Just want to say Thank you again for preparing the gifts, it surely not an easy task to prepare 30 gifts altogether. Thanks for shopping and wrapping them, especially thanks for putting in the thought to think ahead of time for this service! Thanks!

Meipo and Maurice: Thank Pastor Maurice to put down his 'image' to participate in F4. Your involvement becomes the highlight of the event. Especially thanks to Meipo and Kaylee to support Maurice for everything!

Mr. & Mrs. Ben Fok: thanks for videoing tape the "Philippians One Ding"!!!

SGLs: last but not least... without you and your great effort to invite new comers and friends, we won't have much fun. Please keep contact with the new comers as we will "outreach" in 2008!!!

Let me echo Pastor Maurice, Philippians have a strong and united team, it is a blessing from God. Let this advantage become our tool to serve Him more in 2008 and OUTREACH to the un-church.

To God be the glory!

超低能勁攪笑的夢幻組合 – 腓立比F4

一個令你產生極多幻想的配搭
一個只是聽見都已經笑到你死亡的組合
一個見到佢就笑的大肚腩
一個不顧形象的笑匠
一個平時口多多的 “揣度”
一個能完全豁出去的朋友

腓立比F4
排舞爆笑兼練歌
四個傻佬笑呵呵
Sunday唔洗四圍摸
早d嚟聽歌
保證你地會嗌 encore

這個唔多要面的組合，加上低能的舞步和抵死攪笑卻屬靈的歌詞。

聽說還有腓立比十二樂坊… 這個電光幻影聖誕夜真的不容錯過。

幫助一個人

在網上看到這段說話…

「幫助一個人莫過於讓他負責，使他知道你相信他。

幫助一個人，不是替他把天空拱起來，不是要處處維護他；相反，讓他負上責任，讓他明白別人對他的信賴，讓他知道自己的重要性，他自然能拙壯成長，經得起世間的風風雨雨。」

若套用在小組事工中，是使其成長和學習承擔。
若套用在輔導時，是使其建立健康的自信和自我形象。
若套用在情感的領域時，是在適當的時候用最至小的關愛使其學習獨立和自處，免得做成倚賴。

有時上帝也把我們放逐一下，不是要我們在外邊碰過頭破血流，而是讓我們碰釘後知道祂乃我們唯一的倚靠。若一個人太倚賴別人才可活得自在時是不健康的。在神還沒在動手之前，人就不要太快動手。要學懂什麼是最好的時機也是一個功課。什麼時間要忍心。什麼時候要動心。

這是我們當學習的禱告和行動，在適當的時候讓我們獨個兒在神面前煎熬一下，面對自我，面對孤獨，面對罪性和自己很不可愛的地方。

「幫助一個人」，就是幫助自己和別人擁有一個人的時間，煎熬過後便是成長。

“At times the strength of spiritual community lies in the love of people who refrain from getting caught in the trap of trying to fix everything for us, who pray for us and allow us the pain of our wilderness, our wants, so that we may be more deeply grounded in God.” -- Rosemary Dougherty

We Are the Reason

As little children
we would dream of Christmas morn
And all the gifts and toys
we knew we'd find
But we never realized
a baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

And we were the reason
that He gave His life

We were the reason
that He suffered and died

To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by
we learned more about gifts
And giving of ourselves
and what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
a man hung crying in the rain
Because of love, because of love

And we are the reason
that He gave His life
We are the reason
that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

特訓兩小時

今年團契聖誕節聚會的安排總算是一波接一波的困難。神在不斷的挑戰我耐性的極限。對於把事情處理妥當和計劃，一貫的作風便是快、靚、正。估不到已經在幾個月前籌劃的事情到臨一個星期前才完全安頓。這個Service Group末期考試真的很驚險。如何在別人無理的錯誤下和內心在翻騰怒火時仍學習以「用最開心嘅心情，面對最壞嘅事情」。在處理「事」的過程中，我的感受真的沒有什麼大不了，一切也得以大局為主。這兩小時內的經歷很豐富，不論怎樣，事情都過去了，把一切榮耀都歸給神和感恩主賜一班和我同遭高高低低的同工。現在什麼也真的安頓了。

有主的同在和同工，最困難和最不可能的事情也變成最感恩和喜樂的事情。

Thank God

Last week has been a frustrating week, going through so many obstacles. God has put a test to my patience and faith through various incidents. I guess that's the final exam to my service in Service Group and to pave a path for the succeeding person. While I am on turbo speed and trying to make things work, God slows me down by detour. What a weak person am I, always forgot to kneel before Him and rely on Him.

It has been quite a learning experience to lead the group, struggling big time of what can be talked about to minimize sensitive topic. Jesus done great thing, the sharing went okay.

Talk about the phone calls made last week, restaurant after restaurant, banquet hall after banquet hall, driving extra miles to actually see the place and dinning experience tasting authentic family style French Crusine. The food and environment are great but not the banquet hall, it is just too small to fit us all. However, it was a lovely experience to spend the night with brothers and sisters who filled with love and understanding. Thank God, the Christmas Party at last finalized at a local (Temple City) restaurant. At times, the right one is just within reach, often times we just traveled too far to search.

Philippians are set with Christmas Party as well as Camp for 2008. The journey up the mountain is already very adventurous, however comparing it with the downhill journey, it is nothing. After a night of shower, the car is covered by a shear of ice. The zig-zac road is jammed with slippery cars. The sliding rock, the winding trees, the head chilling snow, when the nature calls, God is not there, but when our car is just several feet away from the cliff with the slide, God is in our heart. Thank God, we all made it back home safely and got the mission completed. May all the glory to God.

God enlarges our capacity to do more for Him by giving us trials beyond our human mind can imagine, and His grace is given in proportion with it. At the feet of the Lord, no one can boast but to bow and kneel.

決心

「如果你真的想做一件事，你一定會找到一個方法；
如果你真的不想做一件事，你一定會找到一個藉口。」

我很同意，一個人有決心，就一定能成功──

這不論是你想成功地完成一件事，還是想成功地不完成一件事。

決心與堅持這些品德似乎在這一代失傳了。爸爸媽媽或他們的朋友的背後總會有一個堅毅的故事。那些爸爸在早年創業和媽媽在廠煮飯給工人吃的辛酸史，從小就聽，也不知聽了多少篇，而且百聽不厭，每一次都是精彩的。

有時自己也在想，若他日也成了別人的父母親和前輩，我又有什麼動人的故事留給後人呢？時間過得飛快，若不把握時機，要發奮也未必有心有力。要完成一件事就是要...

「我只有一件事，就是忘記背後努力面前的，向著標竿直跑，要得神在基督耶穌裡從上面召我來得的獎賞。所以我們中間凡是完全人，總要存這樣的心，若在甚麼事上，存別樣的心，神也必以此指示你們。然而我們到了甚麼地步，就當照著甚麼地步行。」

不能成功完成事情的原因往往是因為在我們心裡有多過一件或更多的事以致無法專心完成。心野是現今都市人的現象。過多的節目和興趣，只會令自己更世務纏身，不能專心為主作工。藉口也會很冠冕堂皇，說到底亦只是找個理由滿足自我的慾求罷了。

當年的父母，也未信主，他們拚博的力量是為了明天的安穩。有一顆赤子之心為下一代籌謀幸福，就算自己小一點舒適，小一點享受，多一分努力，也不計較。今天在享受父母艱苦得來的成果和安逸的下一代，得想想怎樣充分用這份因父母為我們負出來而得來的幸運來締造更幸福的明天，而不是虛渡時機讓這幸運變成不幸。

作為這一代基督徒的我們，享受著雙重的幸福。家庭擔子輕了，生活的質素提升了，信仰的造就也豐富亦自由，但就是少了一顆決心，把信仰培育好，把家庭關係攪好。父母和神對他的兒女也有要求的，而且不是容易達標的，但愛我們的父神體恤我們的軟弱，然而我們到了甚麼地步，就當照著甚麼地步行，就可以了。

你若不壓橄欖成渣

你若不壓橄欖成渣　它就不能成油
你若不投葡萄入酢　它就不能變成酒
你若不煉哪噠成膏　它就不流芬芳
主　我這人是否也要受您許可的創傷

您是否要鼓我心絃　發出您的音樂
是否要使音樂甘甜　須有您愛來苦虐
是否當我下倒之時　纔能識愛的心
我是不怕任何損失　若您讓我來相親

主　我慚愧因我感覺　總是保留自己
雖我也曾您雕削　我卻感覺受強逼
主　您能否照您喜樂沒有顧忌去行
不顧我的感覺如何　只是要求您歡欣

如果您我所有苦樂　不能完全相同
要您喜樂須我負軛　我就願意多苦痛
主　我全心求您喜悅　不惜任何代價
您若喜悅並得榮耀　我背任何十字架

我要讚美　再要讚美　讚美何等甘甜
雖我邊讚美邊流淚　甘甜比前更加添
能有甚麼比您更好　比您喜悅可寶
主　我只有一個禱告　您能加增我減少
每次的打擊　都是真利益
如果您收去的東西　您以自己來代替

真不知道何時才愛主愛到有這樣的情操。今天是主日，主向我說話，在任何境遇裡也要感恩。這些日子心情總帶一點悲傷和憂愁，昔日的一些未處理的感受給牽動了。對於朋友的信任仍有介心，對於別人的惡言還未能做到不為所動，對於為主受苦仍有所保留，那個在裡面的「己」仍然很大。主耶穌，求你把我們這些橄欖壓成橄欖油；求你把我們這些葡萄入酢變成酒；求你打破瓶子把煉成的哪噠膏完全湧流。「衪必興旺，我必衰微。」約3:30

簡樸一點

活在這個時代要生活得簡樸是一件相當不容易的事。朋友搬屋，一箱箱的物件，又看看自家的車房，人活得越久，在世濾積的東西就越來越多。要用的、不要用的；重要的、不重要的；有紀念價值的、沒有紀念價值的；新款的、落伍的；有收藏價值的、沒有收藏價值的；極具義意的、多餘的；

有一天在找東西，在床下底找了好一陣子，想要的東西找不到，只發現有很多當時認為極具收藏價值的的東西很久沒有理會，已被厚厚的塵埃覆蓋與包圍。翻閱了那些雜物後，雖然已失去當時所認為有的收藏價值，但也仍然收藏，只是有點捨不得。原來有時物質濾積起來目的是要去收集回憶的證據。恐怕有一天會把事件、人物忘 記，因為那可以一同共證的人已不在身邊了。

簡樸的生活是從思想做起。對物質的要求固然簡單一點，若不好好控制就只會加添和濾積。同樣，思想上的簡樸也得控制得好，不時要在安靜中收拾，將不必要的收到回憶回收箱中，從中找出義意，鬆開手釋放，讓神來把空置了的位置填補。

…每次的打擊　都是真利益
如果袮收去的東西　袮以自己來代替…

If we say we love HIM, this will be the time show…

The love of God is amazing and stunning… once again touched by the scripture when Jesus washes the feet of the disciples.

The scripture is as graphical as a movie playing in my head. Jesus and the 12 disciples coming a long way to Jerusalem, they are exhausted. They entered a room, Jesus has made arrangement for the Passover dinner. The room seated 13 tired men, but who will first pick up the towel and basin to wash their filth feet? The job was supposed to be done by the lowest servant of the house. No eyes contact with Jesus’. No fingers move an inch dare to catch any attention of initiation. Jesus get up from his seat, roll up his sleeve, tied his rope around his waist, pick up the towel and basin. He kneels down, unlace the sandals, put the feet into the water. The creator of the universe, the hands created the stars are now doing foot massage. Jesus washes every single one of the disciple’s feet, even Judas, who will betrayal him, even Peter, who will denial him three times before the rooster call. Jesus knows what will happen, He realizes even before Judas and Peter know they will commit such act. When Jesus kneels before Judas, He washes Judas’ feet like everyone else. There’s no where in the bible mention a word that Jesus skip Judas or give a lecture to Peter before washes his feet. Jesus impartially serves every single one of the disciples; even He knows they will do wrong against Him.

I couldn’t help but my tears filled my eyes. Lord, please don’t… The Lord said, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” and “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” Why you leave such a beautiful footstep for us to follow on forgiveness? The part of me inside would revenge eye for eye, hand for hand, tooth for tooth, but you pour out your life into mine unreservedly, I couldn’t but learn to love impartially and selflessly like you. We all need to learn to serve and love those that stabbed brutally, slandered unsparingly and spitted disrespectfully. Often times we see other’s dirty feet but never think of taking up a humble role of a feet washer. We all have filth dirty feet, drop your head and take a look down at your own feet, my feet is not any cleaner than yours. Often times we think we know so well of other’s bad record , however, love keeps no record of wrong. Jesus loves the church of Corinth, a blessed and talented but messy church. Divisions in the church, immortal brother, lawsuits among believers, sexual immorality, misconduct in marriage…etc, the body of Christ is wounded and scarred everywhere. Jesus’ heart is aching and dripping blood. These are things He would never want to see among His church. These are the things that torn His body apart. These are the thing that ought to be stopped immediately. Paul addresses the issues in the church of Corinth. He lectured and exhorted them with harsh word, discipline, authority, history of the Israelites and at last LOVE. Love is the remedy of the ordeal and the language that should spoke among us followers of Christ. Lord, have mercy on your people, to bravely stand, boldly protect and to impartially love.

主請祢憐憫

她們都說我太心軟… 其實我也很激氣的呢。有時真的不知道怎樣付出愛與關懷才最恰當。失望是想不明白為何人可以如此不自愛。另一方面也因為自己的愛心不被稀罕而失望，感到自己做了多餘的事情。

主耶穌，憐憫我們吧！自憐只是最卑微的自我安慰，令人更不可愛。在這變幻的時候，我更深信仰望主是能夠讓我們在茫茫人海裡感到安定。

Starting this week with a Thankful Heart

Although I wake up with a headache and a sore body this morning, my mind is filled with God's blessing. So thankful to be surrounded with God's provision abundantly. Last night, I spent a night entertaining myself, dining at the Japanese food court then enjoy a night of drama at the Ahmanson. The play is not as entertaining as I thought it would be although it is a comedy, and along with my coughing, it is even embarrassing to cough when people are so focus on the play. Oh well, sorry... I didn't mean to interrupt... =)

There are a lot of things that I want to write about, just didn't have the time to put everything in my mind into writing...

I want to write about the thrilling experience to meet my STM room mate again in LA. Even though it is just couple of hours... May God bless B&D! STM is the highlight of 2007.

also to write about the STM video editing experience... first time in my lifetime to edit such a humongous volume of video and condense it into 5 minutes of meaningful message. Thank God for His great help as the editing could take up even more hours, especially thank Brother H for his magical touch!

Oh… I would definitely want to write about this even more embarrassing experience that I fell asleep during Christmas Choir practice. This is historical; I can fall asleep during singing practice. I wonder how that could happen… the coughing and sleepless night... Thank God that I didn’t get to experience those without that. And once again reminded myself of my limitation and don't try to do everything... 我會聽話架嘞!

Even more grateful is that I can witness God’s presence in Guangxi China and share with brothers and sisters in LA. His work is fiercely on forwarding even in the midst of the ‘forbidden’ environment. For the door He has opened, no one can close…

Trust His Heart

When comforting words come short, when caring is still a world away, when the path ahead remain dark, when the future lies ahead is still uncertain, please TRUST HIS HEART!!

This song is for you who lost your job, who is suffering from tremendous of accusation, who feel that no one cares, who struggling through dark valley after dark valleys, who is so weary in ministry and don't know how to move on, who thought that no one will understand, who thought that no one will love, who thought that marriage is just an arm away, who cry yourself to sleep at night, who has been constantly defeated by trials, who still haven't see the light of God...God uses this song embraced me when I am at those time, you are not alone, I've been there... and you are in my prayer and your name is inscribed in the palm of HIS hand.


All things work for our good
though sometimes we can’t see how they could.
Struggles that break our hearts in two
sometimes blind us to the truth.
Our Father knows what’s best for us;
His ways are not our own.
So, when your pathway grows dim,
and you just can’t see Him,
Remember He’s still on the throne.

God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don’t understand,
when you don’t see His plan,
When you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.

He sees the Master plan.
He holds the future in His hands.
So don’t live as those who have no hope.
All our hope is found in Him.
We walk in present knowledge,
but He sees the first and the last.
And like a tapestry, He’s weaving you and me
to someday be just like Him.

God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don’t understand,
when you don’t see His plan,
When you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.

惡夢

尋晚發了一個惡夢。給一條毒蛇咬了一口，毒液四淺，彈了入眼，對眼感到刺痛然後再看不見了，隻手腫了，條蛇比我整死之後裝了入一個Ziploc袋裡。

這個夢讓我記起小時候的一件事。那時每星期週末也會一家人到大潭水溏行山，有次在路邊有一條青竹蛇，我這個胆生毛竟然用樹枝攪動青蛇，把媽媽嚇個半死。以後才知道有些東西是不可碰的。

剪片 - 差遣我

花了好幾晚的時間，終於把影片剪好了。看一看差不多完成的作品，居然也被自己感動。感謝主，不是我做得有多好，而是衪的工作真的很令人神往，直入人的肺腑，叫人不得不想一想拋開現在的，孑然一身事主。但這個念頭絕不可輕率，不可是一時之勇，也必須計算是否付得上代價。看見一眾短宣回來的弟兄姊妹，也都一腔熱誠，求主由我們開始把宣教的火炬漫延。把福音帶到需要你的人群中…

主告訴我 如何獻上我的生命
帶希望入人群中
主告訴我 如何付出我的關懷
將溫暖帶入世界
我看到靈魂中的憂傷
孤獨中人的心在角落顫抖
差遺我 差遺我 我願付出我所有
差遺我 到需要你的人群中
充滿我 充滿我 用你的愛來充滿我
再一次緊握他們的手

向腓立比的禱告

「我所禱告的，就是要你們的愛心，在知識和各樣見識上，多而又多，使你們能分別是非、〔或作喜愛那美好的事〕作誠實無過的人，直到基督的日子，並靠著耶穌基督結滿了仁義的果子，叫榮耀稱讚歸與神。」腓立比一:9-11

曾經我以為自己會在大學團契一直事奉，但神的意念是比我的意念高，祂的計劃比我的計劃好。在腓立比事奉了一段日子，在此建立了一些一生都不會變的關係和友情，雖然是他們的領袖，但在他們身上得到的東西比付出的還要多。對他們最好的報答便是為他們禱告，以神的話語鼓勵、提醒、堅立、引導、分享和勸勉。神以此經文提醒了我，他們需要的不是接二連三的節目，也不需要創意的話題或自我增值的講座。有時花太多的腦筋在節目上都使我亂了。他們要的是領袖瞓身的祈禱、實實在在的聖經教導。大多數的我們已是信主一段時間的基督徒，要吃乾糧，不可再當他們是小孩子。我想人都是會潛意式的活出別人心目中的自己，我越當他是小孩子，他們越是長不大。有些人就是你越當他是小孩子，他越裝著要做小孩子，讓你疼、讓你擔心、讓你為他張羅。有時就是自己不知道是否太縱容，太保護，以致阻外他們的成長。

神說要為他們禱告，讓愛心，知識和各樣見識上，多而又多。在這提及的豈不是聖經的教導嗎？使他們能分別是非，豈不是靈命成熟的表現嗎？成熟的屬靈生命沒有特效藥，也沒有速成班，是不會一夜之間發生的事。為他們禱告，加上生命的分享和聖經的教導，並且持之以恆直到基督的日子，有生命的必會結出仁義的果子。

The Beast Inside…

I can not but to pray for repentance.
I can not but to extend my arm to reach out for a chance to save.
I can not but to accept the fact that sin is eating bit by bit of the desolated spiritual life.
I can not but to let go of my prejudice and yearning God for more patience to love again.
I can not but to pack away my disappointment and give hope for God’s sake.

For all that I can’t, God CAN…

It is a life long lesson to tame our rebellious nature. The tug of war between the new creation in Christ with the old rebellious product of sin. It is very upsetting to see God is losing the foothold while the worldly temptation and instant gratification is gaining. Jesus must be heart broken. The potential to sin is our nature, it is in our blood. It got easily irritated, triggered and unleashed just by a minor thought to loosen and putting up the shield of faith. The Psalmist grasped this concept. Blessed are those who pondered at God’s word day and night and will live a life abundantly like it was planted by the source of water.

Dear Lord, please occupy my mind with Your precious word, lest that the worldly treasure will attract my sight. Lord, give me the trials that will keep me close to you. Grant me strength, love and patience to help those who are in need and walk with them extra miles to be close to you. Change my appetite to "Put other's need first..." Make me a blessing for I will be a curse without You.

你看見什麼？

這個週末太高興了，稍微離開週遭的繁囂，到聖地牙哥一遊與一班可愛弟兄姊妹一起。能夠站遠一點，企高一點，看得廣闊一些；

居高臨下，站在崖頂看著一大片的汪洋，在和暖的日光下欣賞美麗的大自然，若能逗留多一回兒就好了，可以不說話、可以不趕著時間表。站著、看著、想著，面向太平洋一個又個浪衝上潮岸，海中有一群滑浪的人在水中浮沉要找緊機會抓住下一個浪在其上滑行。滑浪者的心態是希望一嘗巨浪之上的過隱。弟兄說越近岸的浪是越大的，怪不得水越深人就越少。

在安日的享受中，站在最舒服的位置上，看見了這麼的一個景象。人在苦海中流離，營營役役為的是要等一個機會。下一個浪是巨是小，能否淩駕其上，還是給捲入海低？

我看見了這些等浪的人，心裡想到主。我所相信的主是淩駕在一切風浪、時勢之上的主。

有、沒有

在網上看到這個故事，蠻有意思的…

有一個年輕人，大學畢業後準備報考研究所，並同時應徵了一份非常嚮往的工作，然而，似乎天不從人願，他研究所沒有考上，原先最嚮往的工作也沒有錄取，還跟女朋友分手。他受不了精神上的打擊，整個人變得極為憂鬱、退縮。

好朋友介紹他去向一位心理治療師求助，他憂愁地說：「我的研究所沒考上，想要的工作沒錄取，女朋友也告吹了，這些我都失去了，我現在什麼都沒有了！」

在跟治療師傾訴完自己的不幸之後，治療師耐心、微笑地問了他幾個問題：「怎麼會什麼都沒有呢？想一想，五年前的你有大學文憑嗎？」

「沒有。」

「對！所以現在的你比起五年前多了張大學文憑！」

「五年前的你有一技之長嗎？」

「沒有。」

「所以現在的你至少在工作實力上比起五年前要好了很多！」

「五年前你有跟你剛分手的女朋友在一起嗎？」

「也沒有。」

「所以現在的你也沒有比以前慘，不但如此，你還在大學裡交到了一群死黨！」

接著，治療師用一種興奮的口氣對他說：「想一想，這五年來你不但沒有失去很多，反而得到了很多，你的生命中多了很多原本沒有的東西！你的收穫多大啊！」年輕人頓時豁然開朗。

轉個角度，換個眼光，事情並不是想像中那麼糟。

別離的擁抱

不知不覺間有些人在自己身邊好一段日子，雖不是最好朋友的那種，平常的日子也沒太多的交通，但見到面時總是歡歡喜喜的。

最近就是有兩位這樣的弟兄姊妹要回港生活。心裡真有點不捨。對於別離，我是不太懂得應付，是會很眼淺的。大多都會選擇逃避臨離別前的眼光，眼睛望得太深就會觸動情感。因此我或會選擇來一個別離的擁抱來代替講話，是怕眼睛泄露了不捨而令場面難堪。上帝創造了擁抱，讓我們能用行動表示關愛、不捨、掛念和說不出來的感情並加上祝福，不需要眼睛或言語也能傳遞的信息。

願主祝福你倆路途平安。

Reflection: Lecture V - Dr. John H. Coe

It is not unusual to associate the 'feeling'/presence of God is a sign of contented spirituality, and this seems to give measure to one's spiritual maturity. Dr. John Coe has gave a profound lecture and sharing on the topic, which is an eye-opening experience to my spiritual walk. After four lectures on Spiritual Formation, it is wonderful, ideal and perfect, however, there is a missing piece. God is not always near, at least to my human sensitivity and sinful nature. Being told there's a place of perfection but recognize the reality of spiritual status is an ordeal. Sincere Christian doesn't settle with status quo, and deeds don't satisfy or fill the gap in between. God seems to be absence sometimes to devoted Christian. After the lecture, there are lots of reflection and confession of wrong doings to 'muscle up' the spiritual experience or being unreal to my spirituality.

The lecture reminds spiritual leader, which alot of time tempted to generate spiritual experience/feeling to themselves or the flock. The sensation of consolation itself is wonderful, however a toxic addiction when being faked.

Dear Lord, please help me to be true to my spirituality, whether in consolation or desolation. Help me to bring about a true, genuine and authentic spiritual life that even at times of drought, You can still shine through my cracked heart.

Lecture V-Drawing Near to God When God Seems Far Away:

Practicing the Presence of God Despite Feelings (Dr. John H. Coe)
"God, who is everywhere, never leaves, us. Yet He seems sometimes to be present, sometimes absent. If we do not know Him well, we do not realize that He may be more present to us when He is absent than when He is present." Thomas Merton, No Man is an Island

I've learned two new terminologies:
Consolation - Spiritual feelings of God's presence
Desolation - Spiritual feelings of God's absence

Notes from Dr. John H Coe:
Spiritual feelings do not necessarily correlate with maturity. If that is the case, spiritual feelings of God's presence (consolation) or absence (desolation) are less the result of our actions and more the gifts of God according to His purposes.

At times of Consolation, God purposefully to encourage us, give us a taste of the presence of God and to reinforce practicing spiritual discipline. In season of Consolation, it is a great time to give ourselves to spiritual disciplines, reading of the word, prayer. Open our heart deeply, soften the focus on everything else and focus on God, welcome a time of formation.

At times of Desolation, it is a time to mirror what in our heart. Faith practice of spiritual discipline to mirror what’s inside, to see part of our heart that will shock us. God needs to do a 'heart-surgery' to our heart that has falsely attached to something else other than God. "Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD." Deut. 8:2-3 When we are hungry, our heart to will open to God.

What is going on in this desolation, what is God doing?
Spirit of God wants to make our heart Him home.

Vice and sins in heart to be removed - purge the pockets in our heart that is filled with ourselves

Most of us will choose 'consolation' over 'transformation'. The Holy Spirit has a lot to fill us, He knows and desires more of us. God can only withdrawing to feel consolation to take us on a journey to deepen our relationship with Him.

Dark Nights: when God is going to purge the heart to draw nearer to you within.

Two forms of dark nights or seasons of purgation:
· First dark night of senses: for younger believers, purging them to the reliance of consolation, meaning the presence of God by feeling of consolation.
· Second dark night of the spirit: for older believers. Need to open new rivers of living water, where a good character developed a good theology in their life. Reliance upon their character, depend upon discipline and wisdom rather than on God.

2. What is going on in the dark nights:
· Biblically this stage is likened to Young mean: wrestle with the evil one, overcome him, you are strong, word abides in you. (IJohn 2:12-14)
· God withdraws spiritual consolation: At some point, bible reading, hearing sermon, prayer lose their pleasure dimension. Ministry loses its zest. The sense of our own good character no longer satisfies – we are left with experiencing the parts of ourselves that are filled with the self and not the Spirit – this is a gift to experience the truth of parts of ourselves – and so, we become hungry for God, we want to rivers of living water. (It is hard for us let go of consolation, like a baby wants bottle. God took the bottle away, in order to re-train our sense/discernment to open to His word.)
· The Experience: in the balance of our self and the Spirit working right through our psychological functioning, we typically experience dryness, distance from God, frustration, sense of moral failure, loneliness, spiritual impotence, confusion over allegiance to the world, self or God.
· How do you know if you are in a dark night:

a) During this time, it is very difficult to pray and do spiritual discipline. Holy Spirit is choosing to give you experience (a taste) of your heart that don’t like spiritual discipline. Sometimes when we aren’t excited about spiritual things because something else is in our heart.

b) Don’t want to meditate, prayer time less, because it becoming painful to see what’s going on with our soul.

c) Worry about the state of your soul, asking questions what’s wrong with me?

· Temptation in dark nights:
 a) Temptation to think I am doing something wrong.
 b) Pray harder, generate a spiritual feeling, making something up, trying to get that love and feeling back (e.g. reading spiritual books…etc.)
c) When it doesn’t work stop doing the discipline
d) When we silently despair that God will not come.

· Remember: God is so close: This dryness is a new, more profound work of God in our deep in order to have a true, honest relationship the Spirit is attempting to reveal the truth of ourselves in neediness, to help us despair of ourselves and independence and open us to declare our dependence on the Spirit (purgative contemplation). The is what it is to be filled with the Spirit to the level one can at the stage where they are still quite filled with their own autonomous hopes, desires, wants, joys, hatreds, sorrows etc. The Spirit intends to purge these from us to slowly fill us with His own hopes etc. Nevertheless, this purgative and negative-feeling experience is a profound work of the Spirit to open us to a deeper love based upon the truth of ourselves and His loving us in light of the good and the bad within us.

· What to do or how to experience these times of desolation/dark nights
a) Going through time of dryness may be a sign/work God is working in you. Open to that.
b) Spiritual discipline change in terms of their purpose. Mirror to reality.
c) About a person from the inside calling you to listen and to watch. What is it teaching and showing you.
d) A need to resist the temptation to spiritual fix yourself.
e) Expect and want nothing except what He has to give, follow the spirit.
f) Must resist the temptation to use spiritual discipline to generate spiritual feelings. Don’t muscle it up! NO! Just let it be! Open to His word.
g) Leaders of church, resist the temptation to generate spiritual experience to people. My task is to help people to open to consolation and desolation. Praying the experience.
h) Need to be faithful to continue to do the spiritual discipline that it becomes an opportunity.
i) Need to consider this spiritual dryness is an invitation to enter to truth of your heart and just ask the spirit to teach you…

A Poem dedicated to those who lost their home…

When the fire and wind are gone
The memories covered in the rubbles and ashes are still fond
The house is no more a shelter
The family holds each other together
The fire might fiercely burn longer and longer
Our family bond even stronger and stronger
Smoke arise to the sky carried a prayer to God
What lies ahead is a path remain broad
Keep us near and hold us close
In Your bosom is our cure dose
The bed and cover would keep us warm
In Your embrace we slumber till dawn

Please continue to pray for them to experience God's love in the midst of this ordeal...

捉緊我

捉緊我

曲、詞：周敏曦

在我身心困倦之時
唯 有你是我力量
讓我今天重返你施恩座前
求饒 恕，求憐 憫，
倚靠在你臂內

讓我屈膝於活水旁
求 你賜我力量
讓我今天重新到達你面前
蒙饒恕，蒙憐憫，得安慰

求你再捉緊我
別讓世間紛擾纏住我
請靠緊我心，給我多點勇敢
求讓我看見你更多

求你再捉緊我
用你釘傷的手變改我
疲倦裡再以熱能贈我

在我灰心失落之時
唯 有你是我力量
讓我今天重返你施恩座前
求饒 恕，求憐 憫，
倚靠在你臂內

讓我屈膝於活水旁
求 你賜我力量
讓我今天重新到達你面前
蒙饒 恕，蒙憐 憫，得安慰

求你再捉緊我
別讓半點灰心留住我
請靠緊我心，給我多點勇敢
求讓我看見你更多

求你再捉緊我
用你釘傷的手變改我
疲倦裡再以熱能贈我

感激你是我主，是垂聽禱告的主
求讓我再靠著你振翅高飛
求你再捉緊我
別讓半點紛擾纏住我

請靠緊我心，給我多點勇敢
求讓我看見你更多
求你再捉緊我，
用你釘傷的手變改我
疲倦裡再以熱能贈我
明日裡與我共行緊貼著我

Family Tuesday

Every Tuesday is Family Night. The kids will be back and dinner at home. It is so amazing to see Jacob grow. He is able to pick up the spoon and feed himself. After dinner, it's exercise time... !

「色‧戒」

張愛玲的書就只看過「張看」。一般張愛玲的小說也不是容易看的，文化、詞語都有別於一般流行小說。其中「傾城之戀」和「半生緣」是比較熟悉又給拍成電影的故事，那兩齣戲應該是看過，但不太有印象。最近人人都在討論那齣「色‧戒」，電影當然沒有看過，書就反倒看過。收錄在「惘然記」中的「色‧戒」，只是廿多頁的短篇小說。故事不怎麼吸引，也沒什麼特別的情節，更沒有什麼的印象，亦非現在報章吹捧的那樣。我想我這個只有小六中文程度的我，真的不太懂欣賞這類作品。那些情慾戲份在書中只是很含蓄的交代罷了，製片商的手段是誇大及虛張聲勢來賺多個票房吧。

是藝術或是色情；是一齣荷李活導演的傑作還是電影商人給色情電影披上的糖衣？我不懂判斷也沒有資格去判斷。前期香港要拿聖經送檢，若這個「色‧戒」也拿去檢一檢結果又會是怎樣？

率真

婚禮的致謝詞一般都是感謝父母時最感動。今天聽到的致謝詞都感動。是一份率真，叫就算沒有美麗的措詞及修飾的語句也能刺激淚腺，叫視線模糊。幸福是真的會感染別人。今天就是沾染了這一點點的氣息。能夠成為彼此心目中世界唯一，雖然每一天都相見，但總有這麼多問不完的問題。對彼此的好奇心就是不會減滅，反而與日俱增。兩個人簡簡單單的生活，就是不用太多言語的幸福。

選擇仰望衪的笑臉

「我的心啊，你為何憂悶，為何在我裡面煩躁？應當仰望神，因衪的笑臉幫助我。」詩篇42:5

本來三個小時的等候，對我這個急性子是一種煎熬。最怕是別人手腳慢，心裡會盡是責罵。但這三個小時在Costco等候換呔的時候卻轉為一個小小的空間、一個自己和主耶穌的約會，把那些久‘未分類’的心情與心聲一同翻閱和歸類。

是煎熬、是安靜；是認真、是敷衍；是回首、是仰望也是一念。是另一種眼光，來尋覓天父偶爾裝飾過的祝福。

誤會：用行動讓周圍的人更深入瞭解你的機會。
失敗：避免重蹈覆轍，邁進向成功的踏腳石。
創傷：來到神面前經歷屬天醫治的特權。
苦難：鍛鍊信心更加純淨的爐火。
壓力：增加工作效率的助手。
貧窮：引動我來領受屬靈豐富的激素。
批評：光照我盲點的雪亮鏡子。
拒絕：開啟另一道門的同義詞。

抬頭仰望天父，衪在黑雲之上展現一張微笑的臉。

都靠祈禱...

「因為我們雖然在血氣中行事、卻不憑著血氣爭戰，我們爭戰的兵器、本不是屬血氣的、乃是在神面前有能力、可以攻破堅固的營壘、將各樣的計謀、各樣攔阻人認識神的那些自高之事、一概攻破了、又將人所有的心意奪回、使他都順服基督，並且我已經預備好了、等你們十分順服的時候、要責罰那一切不順服的人。你們是看眼前的麼，倘若有人自信是屬基督的、他要再想想、他如何屬基督、我們也是如何屬基督的。」

身份証

終於我有香港‘智能’身份証啦。(是智能，因為當在香港出入境時可用E-道，聽說是更快捷、方便的。但是我的經歷是海關的公作人員還要比E-道快呢，是真的…)

今年八月六號，哥哥幫我預約到灣仔政府大樓換身份証。那天以為會消耗一整天的時間在等，殊不知那個過程非常快捷。是在香港逗留的幾天裡最productive的一天，因為之後又打風又落雨。事隔差不多三個月，不是媽媽回美後三個星期的今天才記得拿出來，我大概以經忘記了。移居美國多年，這次換身份証才第一次擁有印有香港特別行政區的身份証。還有那個印在身份証上的樣，終於看起來不再是小朋友的樣子。以前那張相真的很像發水麵包。多得科技的進步和追求專業的香港政府，這次還很禮貌的拍了三次，把最滿意的放在身份証上。

下一次回港也可用一用E-道，看看有沒有進步。還有是必要過大海(澳門)一轉，拿一個澳門身份証，繼而再攪張回鄉咭，那再去大陸短宣就不用簽証了。想起澳門那個 “非常方便” 的換領程序…值得。下次回港該是去看看Dinny的小孩了。Dinny，你得賞所願啦！

美麗的矛盾 - paradoxical truth of Christianity

當我敗在袮的手裡，
我將會成為得勝者。

當我願意降卑，
我將會被高升。

當我委身做袮的奴僕，
我將享有完全的自由。

當我為袮而貧窮，
我將因此而富有。

當袮剝奪我的一切，
我將從此擁有一切。

當我為袮負軛，
我肩上的擔子變為輕省。

當我在袮的寶座前跪下，
我竟被袮邀請同坐寶座。

當我為袮撇下世界美名，
我聽見袮給我一個新名。

當我為袮而減少，
我就因此而加增。

當我選取跟隨袮的十架窄路，
我發現我的道路因此寬廣。

The paradoxical truth of Christianity, thank you Jesus! Everything is different through your magical touch.

屬於她的聖經

今早收到容縣來的電郵。她在電郵中十分興奮的告訴我，她將擁有一本屬於自己的聖經！感謝主，衪的工作從沒有停頓過一刻。

效主謙卑

群中那邊，無聲一個，才華沒有，人卻善良。
無聲中，奉獻盡心，未想得到，喝采歡暢。
群中這邊，狂囂一個，說聲滔滔，才幹萬樣。
群宣中，羨煞目光，搏取得到，顯赫的模樣。
基督眼裡，那個尋著路向？
靠著才華如何誠心仰望？
基督要你撇棄狂傲自負，
效法衪的謙卑，信實，愛心！
神實踐一生謙卑擔當憂困，奉獻出身心，
甘於漂流不計風霜侵，但你我卻要競逐名利，
給世俗錢財，榮華來拘禁！

神實踐一生謙卑擔當憂困，
讓我真心將一生主權交衪肩枕。
願你我放棄競逐名利，謙信，柔和，願再生！
縱是才華權能搖撼四方，不及信靠敬拜悠然樂暢！

很久都沒有聽過這首歌，因某原因，就拿起來聽聽。也帶來自我的提醒…
只有在不斷的自醒和聖靈的光照下，才可把自己的本相照出來。

距離...

記得在中學時學過Geometry，兩點之間最近的距離是一條直線，而這兩點之間盡管有多近，它們之間的距離仍然是infinity。(你或許不信，但我是全班最高分的。嘻嘻！)

人與人之間的距離，盡管花盡時間心機去溝通，若不是有神在中間填補這個infinity的空隙，這個距離仍然是infinity。

若這個關係已經令你很累，也耗盡了可以的方法，卻又徒勞無功，為什麼不找找神呢？

大"誠"小事

這幾天都收到你們有意無意的小心意，很窩心！ 在這初冬的季節份外暖心。

「幸福小師奶」頂著大肚子也為我買喉糖。讓我這個本來快咳到「膶」都快要飛埋出嚟的人，還想裝著咳給你再寵多一回。你的母愛越來越濃呢！

這個很少說話的「世嶽」兄也說我的聲線低沉了。連我自己也察覺不到，可能我比較喜歡低沉的聲線，因為聽起來比較迷人… 或是有助於聖誕詩班唱Alto吧！

還有這個「緊急人」帶來的歌。你還記得幾個星期前我說過要的，亦不只是那首我想要的，還有數不盡的其他。在你心情這麼糟糕的時候你還為我費心，感動。

其實感恩或埋怨只是一念。凡事於好處著眼，小事上尋找涵意，能看到別人在自己身上花過的心思，人也開懷了！若要可憐兮兮卑微的乞求被愛，倒不如慷慨的施予，會換來意想不到的收穫。

快趕去在別人身上作一點小事，小事能化成大誠，滿溢我們間的友情。

Real Bloody and Sweaty Struggles

Jesus aches… as painful as we are when we strive through those real bloody and sweaty struggles in our spiritual walk. It makes a whole lot of different to aware that Jesus cares.

Let's not spent the lonely time alone, Jesus listens.
Let's not let go and drown to the bottom of the ocean, Jesus is reaching out his arm.
Let's not cry at the corner alone, we can weep together.
Let’s not armlessly fight Satan’s attack when we can pray hand-in-hand.
Let’s let God’s love enveloped us and spoke through the time we spent together.

The reality is irresolvable and irreversible, but there’s HOPE!

徹底明白…

上帝是愛與慈悲、憐憫，同樣也是公義、忌邪、聖潔、滿有權能的神。對於上帝的愛與慈悲、憐憫，似乎沒有什麼難度去接受，因為給上帝愛著是多麼幸福的一件事。在信主的一刻，主耶穌在十字架為我們的罪被釘死，神的愛盡顯於此。每當想起主為我走上十架的時候，內心攪動，主的愛成為最大的動力去愛其他人和跟隨神。但是主十字架的義意不止於此，在這十字架的背後，有另一幅圖畫。在耶穌基督血流滿面，片體鏻傷和釘痕的背後是神的震怒，是神對罪如此的憎恨，寧願犧牲愛子耶穌，把罪所帶來的死亡和羞辱盡傾在耶穌身上。只看到神是愛、慈悲與憐憫，並不完全明白神愛、慈悲與憐憫。在接受上帝的愛以先，必須經過上帝的公義、忌邪、聖潔和權能，也必須嚴苛的 對付自己的罪，到痛不欲生、恨之入骨的地步。當自己也無法接納自己是如此污穢不堪的一刻，聖靈引我到髑髏地十字架面前，看見掛在木頭上的主，在四目交投的 一刻… 「主呀！為什麼？值得嗎？」主看到我的痛衪也痛，衪看到我的淚也哭了。「我就是愛你。就這麼簡單。一切也不用說。只管接受。」然後，雙膝跪下在十字架前流 淚痛哭悔改。這一幕必須經過，也必須重覆經過，以免我這個善忘的人忘記主有多愛我，有多痛恨我犯罪。

長路盡處有燈火

從來能夠精誠所致的事情都教人鼓舞。誠意就是一件事情是否完滿的一個很重要的關鍵，而非成敗得失。

人生裡一場又一場的考驗，其實是上主恩賜我們蛻變的機會。一個段落的結束，另一個段落的開始；戰勝了這一個自己，是為壯茁的去迎戰下一個更強的自己。

長路盡處的燈火意味著黑夜不會長久的。在失落中的你就咬緊牙關走下去吧！燈火的背後或許是光明，或許是另一條更長更黑的路，不要怕，只要緊捏主的手，每一段路的盡頭總有歇腳處、有盼望，為要預備我們進入完全永恆的光明之中。不放棄便是對生命的誠意。就這樣帶著誠意向前邁進，雖然我也同在摸索，但必在你的附近，而主必在我們長路盡處的前方。

入冬了！

當我己經從一輪病患之後痊癒過來的時候，我身旁的一眾好友都在生病...我只可說...唔關我事架！我病好好耐呢。香港的摯友在生病，這裡的好朋友也在生一個又如"滾筒式"的病。連小"吱吱"都不舒服，看見小朋友病都心痛。天氣轉涼了，大家要加添衣裳以免著涼。

早上的時候是特別意識到冬天來臨了。在暖粒粒的被窩中久久也不願起床，每早晨也例必‘look’一輪床才肯起身梳洗上班。媽媽是最好的，冬天的時候必先把洗手間的暖氣開了，讓我不必在超涷的洗手間內抖震。媽媽最細心，還有一杯熱騰騰的檸蜜，不但暖手、暖身、又潤喉仲暖心添！如果他日有幸成為別人的媽媽，我也希望有媽媽一半的溫柔、細心跟愛心就好了。

入冬了，要送暖是時候了！

Lecture III - The Heart of Christian Spirituality: Falling for God (Gary W. Moon)

Religion vs. Righteousness -
Religion is whatever you and I do in order to get God to love us more than we think He wants to.
Righteousness is understood in the OT as a very different term. The chief end of man, is to serve God and enjoy Him Forever.

The 3 C's of Lasting Love -
1. Taking time for Conversation
2. Becoming honest enough for true Communion
3. Thristing God desire for Consummation

Practicing the Presence of God - require much desperation

Hearing God: staying close, discerning the sound of God's voice require and overall approach to live in which I organize my day around staying close to Him.

In mood for God: conversation, development a conversational relationship.

Honesty that leads to Communion - willingness vs. willfulness, overcoming fears and idols and accepting our personal cross.

Experiencing Union - Forgiveness to Reconciliation to Union with God through Christ.

Paul only quote Jesus 3 times, how can that be?? however, there are 64 times mentioning he is living in Christ, interested in Christ in us and actualizing in Christ.

Primary Goals - Dearly love and delight in the heavenly Father (unable to jot down complete notes)

Secondary Goals - these indeed are great goals, but not primary goal.

1. Profession of perfectly correct doctrine
2. Seeking for special experiences
3. Faithfulness to church
4. External conformity
5. Social relationship and responsiblity

The 3rd key problem -
Focusing man on training than TRANSFORMATION: we can train people to like something, but only Jesus transform people inside out.

VIM model for change -
re-Vision: trinity, aspect of savior
Intention: intentional about change, willing to embrace, comes from desperation of pain.
Means: spiritual disciplines transformations.

任天狗

媽媽從香港回來後沉迷了遊戲機。或許早前跟孫兒玩得多，自己也上癮了。這次她不單在家玩Wii，還從香港帶來Nintendo DS。一向都喜歡狗仔的媽媽，愛心大到連其中的一個飼養狗仔的玩意也沉迷起來。這幾天晚上就是在幫媽媽訓練這隻「任天狗」 (真不知道是誰起的名，好像粗口似的) ，為了紀念我兒時第一隻養的狗，這隻「任天狗」取名為ShuShu。經過一輪時間、精神和耐性的訓練，媽媽這隻「假狗」終於識遞手手同sit。平時仲要同佢沖涼，帶佢去街，買日用品等等。這個玩意真不適合我，若不是要逗媽媽開心，這些時間的投資…不值得。

從小我也不太嗜遊戲機，只有一段很短的時期對Street Fighter投入了一陣子。再者，看到哥哥這麼多年來也是一個遊戲機‘癡’，除了上班的時間就是坐在電腦前打機至深夜或天光。有時並會以互聯網與同是機癡的人交流心得，這些打機文化真不太懂。

昨天晚上，媽媽拿著「任天狗」說：「幫我開機，我想看看ShuShu呀！」

「媽媽，你剛剛才帶佢行完街，佢要瞓的！」

「我知，我只是想看一看，我不會嘈醒牠的。」

在地上不遠處的菲菲，很無奈。

謝謝你的愛

大家對我的愛滿得傾瀉了！其實我好多了！連香港的Auntie也致電來慰問，實不敢當。好像多了一個媽媽。

能認識這個主內的姊妹是一個額外的獎賞，求主祝佑在遠方的她，身體健康，並且Uncle早日信主。

活得簡單就是最大的幸福！求主賜我們都有一顆滿足的心。真惜愛我們和我們愛的人。

有媽的孩子像個寶

媽媽回來了。同時也病了，幸而媽媽在，病得沒有那麼傷感，因為人人都說感冒是很傷感的病。

晚飯時，媽媽總是說我太忙，沒時間休息，又夜瞓，又早起，食無定時，梗係病啦。媽媽在家的時候總是囉囉唆唆喋喋不休的。你怎麼又病了但總不見你瘦？怎麼菲菲那麼髒？雪櫃裡的東西為什麼還未食？哥哥的房間怎麼亂？後園的花怎麼都枯死了？媽媽說的都是。我要求爸爸媽媽不要離開我太久，他們不在的時候身心總是很容易疲累。媽媽卻說主耶穌可能很快接我回天家的，很難答應你ga bor。而爸爸卻一口答應了，我懷疑他根本沒有聽我在說什麼，只管求其答應這個在生病又永遠長不大的女兒。有時不是不知道如何照顧自己，只是懶和想被照顧一下。

今天和一摯友通電話，她和另一個摯友說起我來。「怎麼最近連芬芬也變得負面了？是不是我們的負面傳染了她？我們該做些什麼呢？」聽到她們的談話，心裡會心微笑。我沒有變得負面，只是家人不在身邊又面對著太多事，累了而已。說到底，雖然在教會做很多的事情，但在家仍是爸爸媽媽哥哥們的小妹妹，其實倚賴性很強。可以時必會選擇倚賴。

或許如小龍所言：「小病的感覺很有趣，不是太辛苦，但又會有人送暖；病好了還會不捨得的…說到底，只是希望被問候、被關心、被掛念而已。」

在此感謝一眾打電話和MSN來的弟兄姊妹們，你們的關懷，收到。

Thoughts about Spirituality...

In light of God’s word and absorption from the different people’s writing, there are some thoughts about spirituality. It is a journey of going through rubbles in the past, smiling at some faces who added value in life and fisting on some who brought hurt. Each and every piece of these experiences made sense to my spiritual life picture to become whole. I will try to put these scattered pieces together, but the thoughts might still be scattered at the end.

Spiritually contented is always seen as hopeful, joyful, pleasant, productive in ministry and vision-oriented. This is indeed, perfect! While I went through some down side of life, when I am spiritually hopeless, sadness, desolated, and lost, it is as well part of the spiritual walk.

“A healthy faith gets us through that dark valley. Unhealthy faith makes you pretend the valley doesn’t even exist!”

What a hypocrite I am to pretend things are always fine, rather admitting the reality and speak to HIM of the precise condition is true. Spiritual hypocrite tends to ‘muscle up’ the spiritual experience, by completing, achieving and accomplishing the deeds. When I did these, I felt good about myself, indeed, I felt too good about myself. This is like a sugar coated pill, it makes me feel good just by swallowing it but would never find out what’s really inside. It is a self deception that the pill would do spiritual life good, rather the pill toxic it. This kind of ‘spiritual high’ doesn’t last and sustaining it causes exhaustion.

When the dust settled and in stillness, the true longing and desire within started to unfold. I mourned at the lost of friendship, the once very close fellowship serving experience died which I don’t have a chance to grief but to make a sharp turn to pretend nothing has ever happened and lead the rest to move on. It suffers my spiritual life.

And in stillness… God reveals the evilness within me, the unrighteous thoughts, self-justification and lust. I don’t feel good anymore about myself of what a sinner I actually am. Those hurting incidents and people started to dim in the light of God’s grace and forgiveness. The grudge holds against those who brought hurt were released.

In the midst of all these, Jesus shattered some dreams, ungodly relationship, deceiving spiritual experience and self-protection, however for what He shattered and took away, He replaced with Himself. Jesus sees it all and thinks that it is a good picture, and He likes it very much.

那年七月

那年七月...
一眾事奉上的好友/戰友都走了，心裡很孤單，很沮喪。那晚向主禱告，就是需要朋友與我同步，需要一隻又大又暖的手拖著我一同禱告。主聽了我的祈禱。


翌日早晨電話响起，是張牧師的來電，馬上清一清喉嚨那還未睡醒的聲音，恭恭敬敬卻又戰戰驚驚的與牧者談話。牧者相約下班後到他家，心裡又驚又喜，那時正多事之秋，牧者怎麼找我這個小角色呢？

牧者很坦白的與我分享，他也很悲痛、很孤單、很不被了解！雖然我的難過不能與他的同一而言，但總是為了同一件事而愁煩吧！或許牧者也知道他們走了之後我有多難過，多需要朋友和明瞭我心的人支持吧。說著說著，牧者要我為他禱告，他的手正是我昨晚向主耶穌求的。是主耶穌知道我們的痛，聽到我們的禱告。他的手份外溫暖，是主耶穌和牧者的關懷、同心與體會，讓我們成為同路者。

真正的朋友

是可以相對而不用尋找話題來打破寂靜。
是可以不談及別人而只談我們自己的事。
是可以處同一車廂而不介意我只在唱歌而不說話。
是接納我就是這麼的一個人。
當我悲傷時，是可以不問一句，只陪我呆著而不問為什麼。
是不用找第三個人來充塞只有我們兩個人的時間。
當我們很近的時候是不用第三個人在我們中間的，
但當要硬找多一個人或更多的人來，
是不是因為我們之間有很大的距離？

因此有時我會選擇獨自過不用交代的生活。

Rev. Cheung Happy Birthday

As he is with you now, Jesus please take care of him. Send your holy spirit to accompany Mrs. Cheung and strengthen her to continue your work.

Today is as well Patrick and Christine's 10th anniversary. May God continue to bless your family! I still remember clearly the day Rev. Cheung officiates your wedding on his birthday. Time flies!

來自遠方的一通電話

忘記了告訴你，我有多興奮…

那天早上上班時收到摰友從香港打來的電話。終於…她家裡安置了IDD！短短四十分鐘的車程暢所欲言，無所不談，有如她從來也沒有離開過一樣。

Serving Non-Stop...

Echo to one of the gOd'scar WeTube, "Serving Non-Stop", it is real! Philippians Service Group gear up!
Philippians Christmas Party - December 15, 2007
Philippians Camp May 24-26, 2008

Lord, please guide us to be able to find a place with cottages to accommondate families with baby.

燈謎

中秋燈謎詩
猜金庸小說『倚天屠龍記』中四位人物名字

小兒戲語挾長弓
月月年年盡東風
水火興戈絲帶色
傷心無奈不言中

Dadco: This is for you. Is it too easy?? or you might heard this before. I don't have a clue.

又胃痛

尋晚好努力，好努力煮飯，忘記了吃晚飯，結果又胃痛。

中秋節快樂

中秋節是中國節日中最喜愛的節日，沒有農曆新年般隆重，簡簡單單的與家人三五知已朋友聚餐賞月。每年中秋也會邀請一班弟兄姊妹來家一起過節，吃完晚飯便到後園乘涼，傾偈，閒話家常，食生果，月餅和飲茶。

記得有一年特別開心，連同弟兄姊妹的父母也一起過節。玩猜迷語和一些腦筋急轉彎的遊戲，Uncle就是不服估不到Black Magic的’橋’妙，猜了大半晚仍徘徊在這個黑色魔術的疑團中。

今年也該想想怎樣考一考我的客人...嘻嘻！

垃圾再生

一個月多前腓立比擧行過一個舊曲新詞比賽，當時正在短宣，沒法現場觀看弟兄姊妹表演，幸好得霍先霍太錄影製成影碟，趕緊在他們結婚前給我。謝謝他們的細心！這個節目是gOd’scar Camp WeTube 的前奏。估不到腓立比弟兄姊妹真的很有表演天份。雖然沒有參與，但也藉此也提筆一試。

垃圾…再生(原曲:垃圾)

原本我是個空殼子 任我 作孽
原本我是個孤漢子 任我 罪裡生

是我被你 用愛換來 是你十架 上那血灑
為你活過 令我可更愉快
而我像似垃圾 曾留戀這世間
從神中得再生 似無暇
人世俗裡覓愛 蜃樓般會幻化
然而得你為我 把血灑

任你我遇上 多一次 總相信 你仍還寬恕
若我再做那些不智 請主你 拔去心中的刺
不忍看 著我傷多次
在世俗 流離顛沛 從今不可以
灰燼裡 被徹底寬恕
我以後 全屬主你 全心給主你

九二七

九月二十七日是張牧師的生忌，每年這個時候也會悼念著我的屬靈父親。今天清早到Rosehill探望他，心裡很多想跟主耶穌說的話，趁這個機會也作個退修。

經過昨晚一場大雨，秋天的早晨空氣特別清新，四周特別寧靜，心靈也特別平靜。在高處遠眺，能看到更遠更清的視野，雖然看到有黑雲從遠處飄來，心裡卻無懼，因為主耶穌與我一起，衪為我遮風擋風，與我一同乘風破浪。信心就在與主親近的一刻溢滿心間。

突然有一陣嚎哭劃破寧靜的四周。有一個女人對著墳墓跪地痛哭，哭得很悲，很心寒，很歇斯底里。她身邊的一位男士也無法安撫她，這樣持續了十幾分鐘。姑勿論埋葬在地土之下的是誰，她一定很想念他，也遺憾沒有和他一起做的事情，該向他說的話。

人就是沒有可能沒有遺憾，但至少可以沒有那麼多遺憾。

老井新泉

「老井新泉」- 中國人的智慧

在書架拾起一本買了多過十年的一本書。翻開看看幾個單元，估不到有新發現。那時看了卻沒有好好看明當中智慧，又或者說當時沒有智慧去把它看明白。今日，這本「老井新泉」同樣能在我這個老井中流出新泉。

何處溫馨似我家

家之所以溫暖因為有爸爸有媽媽。

好掛住媽咪，尤其不舒服的時候。希望媽咪在澳洲有愉快的旅行！上一次同媽咪一齊去澳洲，媽咪抱住影相嗰隻樹熊"賴屎"，很勉強的拍了一幅留念，哈！哈！媽咪似笑非笑的模樣好攪笑。希望今次沒有同樣事情發生。

恩怨情仇論舊約

恩怨情仇論舊約 - 李思敬

感謝主，今天可以呆在家裡埋頭看書。

認識神，認識神所愛的人研讀與認識舊約是必須的。求主賜悟性與聖靈給孩子明白，靈程進深。

懶的後果

胃痛。

1st Day of School - Christian Spirituality & Soul Care Lecture Series

Last night, I prepared a folder, printed direction, check my writng tools. Today is my first day of school although it only last six weeks. Since 1997 graduation, how I long for a student life. Reading, researching, writing, jotting notes and thinking. I am not like scholar, I am just a learner.

Here I am, almost 2 hour early to my seven o'clock class. Sitting at the flower bushes, smelling the evening breeze, watching students with backpack walking around campus, the sun sets on front lawn of Calvary Chapel. A professor, I guess, just walked by said, "Studying hard huh?". This is feeling cool! Someone actually thinks that I am a student! I love this,... all along within the walls of church, I am, most of the time, someone else's teacher. It is cool to be a student, I don't need to have answer to question, I am here to in-take, being fed and ask questions! It is absolutely ok to say I don't know at school, especially it is the 1st day of school!

Thank you Jesus for this special day.

MY SAVIOR - JESUS!!!!

He is unparalleled and unprecedented
He is the centerpiece of civilization
He is the superlative of all excellence
He is the sum of human greatness
He is the source of divine grace
His name is the only one able to save
And His blood is the only power able to cleanse
His ear is open to the sinner’s call
His hand is quick to lift the fallen soul
He’s the eternal lover of us all
Everyone
And you can trust Him

He supplies mercy for the struggling soul
He sustains the tempted and the tried
He sympathizes with the wounded and broken
He strengthens the weak and the weary
He guards and He guides the wanderer
He heals the sick and cleanses the leper
He delivers the captive and defends the helpless
And He binds up the broken hearted
He’s for you
And you can trust Him
Jesus is the key to all knowledge
He is the wellspring of wisdom
He’s the doorway of deliverance
And He’s the pathway of peace
He’s the roadway of righteousness
He’s the highway of holiness
He’s the gateway to glory
And yes you can trust Him

Jesus IS enough
He’s the all sufficient King
He’s the King of the Jews
He’s the King of Israel
He’s the King of righteousness
And He’s the King of the ages
He’s the King of Heaven
He’s the King of glory
He’s the King of kings and
He’s the Lord of lords
And yes again you can trust Him

And rejoice in this my friend
HE is a sovereign King
There is no gauge to measure His limitless love
There is no barrier to block His blessings outpoured
He is enduringly strong
And He is entirely supreme
He is eternally steadfast
He is immortally faithful
He is imperially powerful and
He is impartially merciful
He is Jesus God’s Son
And you can trust Him

I wish I could more accurately describe Him to you
But He’s indescribable
He’s incomprehensible
He’s invincible He’s irresistible
You can’t outlive Him
And you can’t live without Him
The Pharisees couldn’t stand Him
But they found they couldn’t stop Him
Pilate couldn’t fault Him
Herod couldn’t kill Him
Death couldn’t conquer Him
And the grave couldn’t hold Him

My friends
He’s the Alpha and Omega
The first and the last
He’s the God of the future
And the God of the past
And we rise to speak Him name again and again
Jesus Jesus
He is Jesus
He is for us
And we can trust Him

Free Coffee - Everyday Grace

Stan, my CFO, gave me a starbucks invitation today, 2 free coffees for you and your friend.

Starbucks used to give out Starbucks card to their shareholder, and now extending the shareholder's benefit to their friends. I get to benefit from Stan's investment for a free cup of Starbucks. In addition to this free cup of Starbucks, I'll get a chance to sit down with Stan to talk... Thanks God... cos next year when Stan retires and resides to north California, we won't get to chat. I will ask him why he buys Starbucks coffee everyday while we brew fresh Starbucks coffee in office.

Days in and days out, we just miss out the daily provision and grace, and keep thinking that we ought to pay to enjoy them.

Thanks Stan!

人生得一知己

你，是天父放在我身邊的天使。不論是開心或失意，每一次有需要的時候都有你在身邊。

聽筒的另一邊傳來你的聲音，真的是最大的安慰。打電話去關懷別人時總知道要怎樣做，講什麼，但要去找關懷時卻孤獨得拿起電話也不知該打給誰。雖然沒有什麼真正的話題，但在那刻就只需要你的友誼與愛護。你的關愛總是及時的也恰到好處。

我與你之間就是不需要長篇大論、不需要分析、你就是知道我要說什麼。是這些年來建立的信任、了解與默契，人生得一知己，你是天父給我的恩賜。

謝謝你的電話！頂著大肚子的你要萬事小心！

看透、看不透

最近發覺身邊的人多了慨嘆，雖然自己都正在面對很多事情，但朋友們的憂慮、灰心、失望總教我把自家的煩惱暫時忘掉。我不知黑暗的隧道有多長，也不知還要經歷多少心碎、失望、忍耐、堅守、改變與參透才有曙光。

流淚因為看不透。

在這歷程中不斷去學習不去看重自己的感覺，因為感覺總教我體貼肉體。幾個月前，經歷了這功課。當時在一刻間感覺自己一定是對的，沒有再比我更真實地體會現況。對與錯，是與非，是很擾人的假象，隨感而行做錯決定，因為人的怒氣、為自己的不忿、自義都只會教人從自我出發，很自我中心。然而從克服己心，以神為首，尊主為大的掙扎中鍛鍊出來的才有永恆價值。在這相比之下感覺蕩然無存。

昨天，跟姊妹分享，對於智慧有所明白。智慧是承認世界有不完美的地方，亦不免強去把它弄完美，然而仍選擇去過得不消極、不自怨、也不去怨別人。在神給我們已有的資源中過活。有時也很難去劃分，活得清醒的總比糊塗的人多一點使命感。眾人皆醉我獨醒是不太容易吧！

耶穌在黑暗中與我們結伴，拭去我們的眼淚和迷茫。我們都需要從上而來的智慧，因我們都是當局者。

需要一些沉澱

這幾天都沒有什麼想寫的，有些心煩，有些意亂。靈性上和思想裡都需要一些沉澱。可能在工作上預知到的未來，對於必須掌握到將來的我是一份煎熬。工作‧金錢從來都不會是我的煩惱，神從來都在這方面都很看顧我。就算沒有工作一陣子我深信是可以過一年半載的。只是有機會轉變環境時有些手足無措。這些年來，朋友都有著自己的方向走。早期的一聚好朋都各有路走，這是人生吧！可能真的是時候想一想什麼地方適合我。大概一年前寫過一些想法，或許South Carolina，或許我太杞人憂天。求天父教我信心的一課。

真的戀愛了？

愛情，不是得到就是學到。

給母親的短柬

不久之前買了一本書，是李碧華的書，內容卻是內地不同的兒女寫給他們母親的說話。本書看了一半，不是不想把它看完，而是沒辦法一氣苛成的看下去，因為一看就哭出來，想起媽媽了。斷斷續續的現在只看完一半，每天只可看一點，當眼淚要掉下來的時候就想打個電話給媽媽，在媽媽的手臂上枕一下，撒一下嬌。

自小就只有我和媽媽兩個女孩子在家，爸爸和哥哥們都有他們的事。媽媽是個女超人，她一個人可以做很多事情，一切我們解決不了的難題落在她手上就變得容易解決。一些難受的事情，只要在媽媽手臂枕一枕，立刻感到被愛護。失戀時只要聞到媽媽煮的餸菜胃口自然大開。媽媽很少生病的，她好像一個鐡人，每早晨必會有早餐放在桌面，午餐也準備妥當，晚餐也必定準時供應。媽媽就算生病也會撐著為我們準備一切，風雨不改。有一次媽媽的眼睛又紅又腫，放工回家後找不到媽媽的蹤影，心裡一陣荒恐，在後園看到媽媽在灑水，連忙抱著媽媽祈禱求主耶穌醫治她的眼睛。

媽媽在我們的生命中舉足輕重，是我們受傷時的避風港，是外邊不公平對代時最溫柔的慰問。當事奉面對很難攪、傷心的事情，發脾氣時，媽媽總是很溫柔的問是否組員又不聽話呀？很累很累的時候和很想傻氣的時候都可以與媽媽一同分享，媽媽總樂意坐在床邊附聽受傷的女兒，但我都是沒有耐性跟媽媽說。媽媽也總奉陪偶爾女兒想任性傻笑和舒懷的時候，去吃一頓放肆的，買一次轟轟烈烈的，媽媽都為我著想。媽媽可否不老，不生病，永遠陪伴女兒呢。天父，請保守女兒的父母，身體健康，常常喜樂。

把這首歌送給在香港的媽媽和天下一切偉大的母親。

雲裡的月光
星星一亮一暗在閃
時間di da di da的響
我看著窗外雲裏的月亮
在老家的屋內　妳也許還沒睡
妳過的好不好妳又在想誰

世界一天一天的忙
回憶一點一點的換
謝謝這些年妳教我勇敢
妳陪在我身旁　不管有多麼困難
也只有妳能夠讓我打敗悲觀

妳像一個雲裏月亮
也是我孤單中的方向
永恆照亮我未來的路上
妳就是我冰風中的座標
受了傷的避風港
有妳愛我所以我不一樣

世界一天一天的忙
回憶一點一點的換
謝謝這些年妳讓我堅強
妳陪在我身旁　不管那有多困難
也只有妳能夠讓我打敗悲觀

我不知道話要怎麼說
當這世界聽不到我的夢
是好是壞都要向前走

不在乎明天會有什麼
不在乎一路上多曲折
我懂了　妳在保護我

星星一亮一暗在閃
地球一圈一圈的轉
我又一次看到雲裏的光

All That Really Matters

A book sit on my bookshelf for so long, half finished. I had a meal with my old friend and reminds me that I owe her the book I borrowed, now I got my own copy.

Years ago I attended a conference, the experience was ok and Shelia Walsh is one of the speaker. At the time I was so into Nicole Johnson, another speaker at the conference, her book caught me. I didn't have a chance to re-read Walsh's until recently. The idea of "All That Really Matters" is simple - Following God Doesn't Have To Be So Complicated: is to love God with all we have and are, and to love others as we love ourselves. An excerpt from the book...

"Instead of focusing on loving God and others, we tend to cling to lists of rules and regulations. We imagine that if we do what we think is required, we can expect God to respond in particular ways...."

"What comes to our mind when we think about God is the most important thing about us. If we see God as our Lord, our Savior, our provider, the lover of our souls, then that will affect how we live, how we love, and what consumes us."

From time to time, I am so bounded by what I need to do, how I should react to circumstances and need to make those around me to be happy and in harmony, and that cause me to grow into fatigue and exhaustion. As I start to read the book again, God is challenging me to change. Tough… but gradually the spirit is simmering in my heart for such change. Today I knew Jesus to a new level…

Last week, I got a little gift from my friend, it’s a photo album, I love it so much. Thanks Roz!

Hollywood Bowl

昨日跟三個弟兄姊妹一同去了Hollywood Bowl。這差不多是每一年都會參與的夏季的節目，感謝老闆每年送贈的入場劵。每年都會同不同的弟兄姊妹去，不經不覺今年已經是第八年。亦是最開心的一年，因為我們可以輕鬆的享受野餐，加上傍晚的氣溫，鬆容不迫的享受弟兄姊妹的交通與美食。節目是美國人都熟悉的Daryl Hall and John Oats。整晚氣氛都非常高漲，平時都是聽交響樂，今次是有樂隊，大家都站起來手舞足蹈非常投入，我們大概是周遭的唯一幾個中國人，表現非常含蓄但我們都隨著拍子拍手非常開心。上萬人的音樂節目一定是非常有陣容，音響，氣氛，都無械可擊，欠缺的是一個連繫。美國的文化都不是太合我們這幾個東方人。雖然一切都使我們很投入，但就是欠了一份共通點，總不能跟著他們一同唱和一同跳。就在一刻，讓我想到了一日在神面前的敬拜，一個不只萬幾人的詩班，而每一個可在神面前的人都有一個共通點，是主所拯救的人，能與衪在永恆中共存的家人。今天在教會敬拜，雖然沒有比Hollywood Bowl更好的音響，但弟兄姊妹間的交流、同心同聲的敬拜比有更響更亮的喇叭更為珍貴。有了神、弟兄姊妹、教會是很幸福的事情，我們應珍惜每一次敬拜的機會。

牠在剪毛的人手下不還口…

菲菲一早比人吵醒剪毛、沖涼、吹頭。媽咪有排先返嚟，唯有轉一轉個髮型師。

Before ...

After ... (菲菲：剪左嗱？ 好似無剪過一樣。)
芬芬：我盡左力家嘞！

菲菲，你開唔開心呀?

gOd'scar - WeTube Competition

2007年度腓立比團契gOd'scar Camp - WeTube Competition巨獻...

弟兄姊妹破格傾力演出經典之作...

最佳影片：事奉..停不了
最佳男主角：Tim - 想回到神的占 (二度決志)
最佳女主角：Maggie - 組長 (事奉..停不了)
最佳男配角：Donald - 醬爆 (佈道會之前)
最佳女配角：Wendy - 小組Core Member (事奉..停不了)
最喜愛角色：Ben - 牛肉Ben (佈道會之前)

(1) 吾艷組- 屬靈選美 - (原註：香港小姐)
http://video.xanga.com/vincentsayhi/f4d23471031/video.html

(2) Seven - 二度決志 (原註：異度空間)
http://video.xanga.com/vincentsayhi/efcbd471010/video.html

(3) Pho 64- 入Camp記之信主 (原註：西遊記)
http://video.xanga.com/vincentsayhi/4ca58471684/video.html

(4) Warmer Brother - 佈道會之前 (原註：少林足球)
http://video.xanga.com/vincentsayhi/9f9a5471695/video.html

(5) 停不了 - 事奉, 停不了 (原註：忘不了)
http://video.xanga.com/vincentsayhi/93fb4471735/video.html

(6) WeAct - (原註:功夫)
http://video.xanga.com/vincentsayhi/6f39f471866/video.html

(7) 伊甸園 - 醫癲院 (原註：死亡筆記)
http://video.xanga.com/vincentsayhi/85ef2471002/video.html

遇見神

gOd’scar Camp – as we ”遇見神”, we start to heal…

2007 is a tough year for Philippians. Our spirit is running low, bottleneck in numbers, spiritual life stuck, SIN and leaders are exhausted.

Of my little faith, I don’t have much expectation to this camp, especially after such a fruitful short term mission in China and discover the sin within our fellowship. My mentality is to get the task done. God surprises me.

The long buried feeling has been dug out after all these… The wound didn’t seem to be completely healed from 4 months ago and the same wound is being stabbed again. The whole body of Christ forgives together, all it takes is some time for the wound to heal. The Lord has mercy on us. The road leads to healing is rough and full of obstacle. We would have back up and U-turn to our original place because of the wild fire up on the mountain. The obstacle didn’t just send us back home, but was able to reroute us to the destination although that detour takes longer and with much curved road. God actually surprises us. Lightening, thundering, raining and sunshine are cycling throughout the 3 day camp. The stormy weather seems to be a bad thing for camp, however it actually keep us together.

The Transformer Bond Fire bind us together and prepared us to dig deep into our heart for some authentic and genuine sharing, disclosing the hurt during small group sharing time. The spirit of healing is among us when we are able to cry together, in front of people and especially to those that bring the hurt. Healing is gradual. The process of sterilizing is there, we feel it because the wound ache. There is much yet to be resolved, may God have mercy on us.

It is great to be part of Philippians, the unity, love, togetherness, faithfulness, submissive spirit and willingness to serve are something that make us different.

Together with a prayerful heart we step into a new era.

遇見神
看天邊飄過雲海, 告訴世界幻變常在, 從來人在月缺下盼月圓
天天總有上演,告訴你我動人故事, 動人情節留下伏線 細心飾演
如何人心粉碎像微塵 無言留淚 滿身抖震
如何遇見神 被擁抱 再得起身
明明平安彷彿天邊遠 流連遊盪 暗失方寸
然而遇見神 被指引 再生精采心內滲* (Repeat*)

只因有你 今天有你 了不起
誰無遐想一生精采佳美
由誰來導 演出好戲
人能遇見神 是福氣 最終高飛
從來難數高低多少次 何時成就 那天失意
前途幻變時 路雖遠 有這福氣心內暖

gOd'scar Camp - frustration turns into thanksgiving

Today is the Lord's Day. Thank God that we have experienced Him. Yesterday we have a tough and long day. There's a fire on the mountain, seventy some of us are driving up the mountain where the police officer make us U-turn because the road is closed. The situation is frustrating, my car is stuck in the middle of the mountain, can't go forward and don't want to go back. Information hasn't be released from the fire department whether the mountain needs to be evalucated because of the severe situation, or keep moving forward by taking another route to the campsite by faith. Iris and I stopped our car, make several phone calls to let brothers and sisters who are on the way to stop at the mountain feet, we then PRAY and calling everybody to pray for the situation. Thank God that it is safe for us to go to the camp and the host found another route that goes around the fire spot to our destination. Thank God that there is a device on earth called 'Cell Phone', cell phone has not been comes in so handy as of this time. Finally our schedule has postponded for 3 hours, at 5PM I was able to arrive the camp site after 7 hours of driving and waiting, and most of the people arrived by dinner time. The experience is frustrated yet inspiring... at night Frances gave a very good statement that what we have been experiencing is the result of our prayer. Yes, we actually pray that we can experience God. We often make an assumption that experiencing God is that everything will go smoothly and according to our plan, however God is doing new things to us. We all experience God in one way or another. Although we ended the day with an exhausted body, we actually are very joyful at the opening worship, watching movie and listening to Pastor Maurice sharing. Glory to God. May Philppians turn to a new chapter of our spiritual walk together!

每當變幻時

腓立比今年營會主題為gOd’scar (God/Gospel + Oscar)，以電影主題作藍本引身福音。可讓新朋友以他們熟識的渠道入手，思想人生，引入福音，同時亦幫助弟兄姊妹怎樣看電影之餘也能從中發掘信仰與人生。

除了之前看過「生日快樂」之後隨意的寫了一點什麼，我是很少寫電影的。適逢這營會的主題也不妨寫一寫吧！

經過差不多三個星期的適應、忙碌及停不了的會議，昨晚終於可以停下來。在打下一場仗之前養精蓄銳，安歇一下，決定要罷煮晚餐一晚，輕輕鬆鬆看齣戲。叫了Pizza，坐下來休息休息。是楊千嬅和陳奕迅的電影「每當變幻時」。

女主角，啊妙，年近三十、單身、因好賭的父親欠下一身債。被迫淪落街市賣魚為生，晚上把賣剩的魚作粥搵外快。故事背景「富貴墟」，其實是一個小型街市。每一個人也在幹自己的活，目的就是要活下去。啊妙卻不然，她二十七歲，目的是要在三十歲前還清欠債，離開街市，找一個值得嫁的人。那幾年她有目標地奮力工作，也不怕吃苦，原本與她作對的魚佬對她由憐生愛。魚佬從中幫了她不少忙，她不是沒有感動，而是還未到三十歲她相信她仍有本錢和機會。她是不會選擇街市佬的。豬肉佬、餅佬和魚佬，啊妙都沒有選擇。她心目中的「他」是一個猶似她獨愛的銀包一樣，是一個Prada和 Gucci的混合體。時間過去了，爸爸亦死去，錢也還清了，街市也拆了，富貴墟的舊街坊各散東西。啊妙過了三十歲，找到了自己的事業卻失去了愛她的魚佬。人與事往往都是失去了才覺珍貴。再見到魚佬時，選擇權不知那時已從她手中溜走了。魚佬已有了自己的家庭。

啊妙三十歲前活得有計劃、有目標、有理想，三十歲後的她卻很迷失。一切的理想與執著都在時代的巨輪下給輾碎了。後來她開了一間名為「Miss」的化妝店。Miss解作：迷失、遺漏、小姐與掛念。這是她三十歲後的人生。

三十歲後的女人沒什麼可悲，不一定要用「Miss」來形容。未到三十歲時的確是有點可怕，但過了之後卻覺得三十歲的自己更可愛，活得更有自信，更知道自己的定位，亦不會輕易為要擁有愛情或友情去迎合與改變自己。這些體會是必須經過年日才可學曉的呢。

人生要活得精彩不是如何去迎合變幻的人生，而是在變幻的人生中找住永恆，不會因為人生的不定而放棄目標與前行的動力。不論在三十歲前或三十歲後，在每一個段落也能抓緊生命的鑰匙。起點不一定是在三十歲前，在永恆國度中，任何時候也可以是起點。因為永恆的事情不乎那個是起點，只在乎掌管永恆的上帝。在瞬間即逝的世界中看到永恆就是能在「每當變幻時」站得住腳的要缺。

閃電、閃電...隆...隆...!

一陣雷聲中驚醒，小菲抓門要人陪，可憐的菲菲給行雷嚇怕了，整個身體也在擅斗，心跳不停。

一連的閃電、雷轟、暴雨、及救護車聲，這個晚上非常熱鬧，希望沒有什麼不好的事發生。小菲敏銳的耳朵早已知道這晚有異，一晚心緒不靈。現在大家陪牠，無覺好瞓。

這刻很想念爸媽，每次行雷都有他們安慰菲菲又安慰我這個膽小的女兒。這回只好充當媽媽安慰小狗。心裡禱告主耶穌，讓主耶穌安慰我。記得那個小孩在閃電、雷轟時仰望天空微笑說，其實是上帝給我們拍照。嘩！天父的相機真的非常犀利，好大聲呢！

一切又平靜下來，只有零星的救護車聲。菲菲又回到自己的地方安睡。

求主保守週末腓立比有好天氣，舉行gOd’scar Camp.

窗外

今日天氣非常好，公司窗外的景色份外清晰，藍天、白雲。

唔知容縣係咩天氣呢？上帝祝佑中國。

人的怒氣 vs. 神的怒氣

「因為人的怒氣、並不成就神的義。」 雅1:20

「我的怒氣漲溢、頃刻之間向你掩面、卻要以永遠的慈愛憐恤你．這是耶和華你的救贖主說的。」賽54:8

一想到神永遠的慈愛，怒氣全消。

麥子與稗子一同成長

「及至人睡覺的時候、有仇敵來、將稗子撒在麥子裡、就走了。到長苗吐穗的時候、稗子也顯出來。田主的僕人來告訴他說、主阿、你不是撒好種在田裡麼、從那裡來的稗子呢。人說、不必、恐怕薅稗子、連麥子也拔出來。容這兩樣一齊長、等著收割．當收割的時候、我要對收割的人說、先將稗子薅出來、捆成捆、留著燒；惟有麥子、要收在倉裡。」

麥子與稗子正在同時生長，而耶穌告訴門徒，不要在意稗子 ─ 那是衪的事，只要專心去栽培麥子。

Philippians gOd'scar Camp (9/1 - 9/3)

CRANKY!!!

I am so CRANKY!!! 激死我嘞! 想喊!

Lord, have mercy on me!

Topics to be told in the Future...

There are a lot to tell about my family...

All the interesting stories told over and over again by my mother about our childhood. The days when we lived at the narrow dead end street called the "Mouse Tail" of the "Green Bean Area" in Macau. How my brothers threw water bomb from the 5th floor after we moved in a building. How eight of us all fit in my dad's first sedan. The day when Patrick went 'po po' under a tree and chased after by the bees. The bloody scary cut on Lawrence's as he stood on top of the glass table and broke the glass. How Ivan has been called "the Lazy Ghost" because he refused to take the bread to the old lady next door by giving an excuse that he doesn't have energy to do so. How mom punished the wrong person because James and Patrick look so much alike. How dad treated Thomas 滕條燜豬肉 when he put his 鼻屎 on the wall. The day we got our first pet and she "pee" and "po' on our carpet and we stepped on it. The night when I am on high fever and mom carried me and ran a long way for a taxi in the middle of the night, waited till dawn and no taxi can hire, my fever was gone and mom is so exhausted, we then walk home together without going to the hospital.

And the next generation… they are creating topics to be told over and over again in the future...

The kids new toy... they started to feed Jacob chocolate ice-cream. Jacob thinks that he can eat them all...

罪雖可怕, 但...

耶和華是我的光

每一次我謙卑來到祢面前
承認過犯 求祢寬恕
祢是信實公義
一次再一次 赦免我又潔淨我靈
可是我像依舊坐在黑暗裡
不相信已被完全潔淨
但祢有憐憫心腸
叫日光臨到我
帶我走出這死蔭幽谷

副歌
我雖跌倒 卻要起來
我雖坐在黑暗裡
耶和華卻作我的光
我在那裡跌倒
就從那裡再站起來
我不在黑暗死蔭裡
因祂的光引我到平安的路上

縱使我像依舊坐在黑暗裡
我相信已被完全潔淨
因祢有憐憫心腸
叫日光臨到我
帶我走出這死蔭幽谷

神就是如此真實，罪人因信得生是千真萬確的事實。信徒跌倒時只需自卑、後悔回轉，在跌倒處再站起來，上帝必伸手扶助。在人生的任何時間都可成為另一個起點，重新活過。

HE Works In Ways We Can Not See

It is never my good work, it's God's.

An email from Rongxian. It is not my intention to get any praise or word of gratitude for what is done in China. One of my student emailed me. I am very pleased and touched. I am not a person good at spoken word, somehow God used my weaknesses for His glory. I don't even remember I said such thing, but God composed it to be sound of music in her ears. She said when I said that her tears filled her eyes and her teaching won't be the same again. When I read her email, tears filled my mine. The God of good work, works in ways we can not see.

When I saw them Thursday, I am speechless and emotionally shut down, I don't feel a thing for the entire week. After the restoration, my feet walk toward them, I am still speechless, however, somehow my two arms put around her, I feel something, it's LOVE. Love is not a spoken language, it is God's work, works in ways we can not see.

寶貴十架

Somehow within the two weeks of RX STM, Denise and I were singing this song day and night. It just happen simultaneously that God put this song in our head the same time. This song is as comforting as it is from day 1. From time to time, I just need to re-confirm the covenant between God and I, how sin separated me from my dear Lord, how deadly sin is forbiding me from enjoying God's presence, how uncomprehendable Jesus's love to me to put himself on the cross, how indescrible is it for God to come to earth to save sinful human, how lovely it is I am in HIS own eye, how precious it is I am in HIS bosom.

主耶穌 我感謝你 你的身體 為我而捨
帶我出黑暗 進入光明國度 使我再次能看見
主耶穌 我感謝你 你的寶血 為我而流
寶貴十架上 醫治恩典湧流 使我完全得自由

寶貴十架的大能賜我生命
主耶穌我俯伏敬拜你
寶貴十架的救恩是你所立的約
你的愛永遠不會改變

若有人偶然被過犯所勝

當知道罪在我們中間，是一件很痛的事情。痛得不知道怎樣言語，只得把一切的感覺都關閉，以免一發不可收拾。沒有怪責、沒有痛哭、也沒有大鬧，只感到很無奈。這是服事的人都要反覆面對的心痛嗎？

我們的心都在淌血呢！主耶穌，讓孩子躲在你懷中吧！這個現實太殘酷了。求主憐憫。

給最開心的人 (給遺忘了的人)

突然...想起了這首歌...

給最開心的人

曲編詞:林一峰

窮途末路之時 我急需的是你聲音

每當天色陰沈 你就像太陽為我暖心

對於朋友 你的細心 已足夠花去半數時間

尚有精神娛樂大家 從沒離群

情路段段不幸 你用辦法沒有上心

慣於利用經驗 叫身邊的人勇敢

對於情感 你很有心

卻未曾聽過你埋怨

為了打救旁人幸福 沒時間傷心

感激你 最開心的人

陪伴著我 每個無眠夜深

用你笑聲 修補我不幸

過濾失落 重獲信心

只不過 誰為你認真

習慣了悲哀中救傷的你

沒法放開開心的責任

抱著心事無人問 壯烈犧牲

每當落淚之前 你可想找誰人說話

每當熱鬧之後 你最想誰為你留下

記得有天 你失了蹤

我頓時驚覺我未能夠

像你一半有耐性為旁人粗心

感激你 最開心的人

陪伴著我 每個無眠夜深

用你笑聲 修補我不幸

過濾失落 重獲信心

只不過 誰為你認真

習慣了悲哀中救傷的你

沒法放開開心的責任

抱著心事無人問 壯烈犧牲

多得你 最開心的人

陪伴著我每個難熬夜深

用你笑聲 粉飾了天地

告別失望 無懼氣溫

只不過 誰為你著緊

習慣了悲哀中救傷的你

沒法放開開心的責任

抱著心事無人問 壯烈犧牲

若你想哭 即管放心吧

我不會過問

你可盡情在我肩膊哭泣

做個凡人

傾聽微小的聲音

最近在看一本有關安靜與默想的書。內心的靈在提醒我是時候撥發一段時給愛我的主，由其剛過了一個如此豐富的一個月，而且回來後更要面對團契如此心碎的事情，真的不想因此而抹煞了這個月來的奮興和心情。一切天父已給我安排好了，今晨因時差的關係四點起來，原來當大地仍在黑夜中憩息，各人仍在睡夢中安歇的時間，天父叫我起來，因衪已為我預備了延席。真的，上帝的話語如甘霖，使我的靈魂甦醒，全人的觀感也給悸動，每一個觸覺被主所吸引。

「火後有微小的聲音。」- 列王紀上19:12

一天，有一名農夫在馬房打掃，工作結束回到家裡，赫然發現老婆送給他的懷錶不見了。那隻懷錶對他的意義非凡、十分珍貴，於是他立刻轉身跑回馬廄尋找。但找來找去，幾乎把馬廄都給拆了，還是沒找著。

他垂頭喪氣地走出來，看到外面正好有一群小孩在玩耍，於是他向那群孩子說：「誰能在馬廄裡幫我找到懷錶，我就給他五毛錢。」一聽這話，那群孩子便一窩蜂地跑去找。經過一段時間，孩子們一個個空手出來，向他搖搖頭。農夫更加失望、氣餒了。

就在這個時候，出現一個孩童，對他說：「我再進去找一次，試試看！」農夫雖然不抱什麼希望，但也不表反對。這個孩子進去不一會兒的工夫，就出來了，手上還拿著農夫的懷錶。農夫非常驚訝，問他：「你是怎樣找到的？」

孩子說：「我進去之後，什麼也不作，只是靜靜地坐在地上。慢慢地，我就聽到了小小的滴答滴答聲，於是我順著聲音去找，就找到了。」

人生很多重要的指引是在安靜中聽到聖靈微小的聲音而得到的。或許，上帝就是想我們安靜的立在那裡什麼也不作，聆聽衪微聲的指引。

天光了，上帝的恩光普照大地，天父藉溫暖的陽光擁抱著我們。今天要好好為主而活！

Eidel Weiss - 雪絨花

於太平洋上空 - 8/11/07

飛機正向美國啟航。望出窗外是一朶朶的白雲。每一朶的形狀也相同，只是大小不一。一連三個星期亞洲之旅終告結束。這些雲朶令我想起這首歌：

Eidel Weiss Eidel Weiss
Every morning you greet me
Soft and white, clean and bright
You look happy to meet me
Blossom of snow may you bloom and grow
Bloom and grow forever
Eidel Weiss Eidel Weiss
Bless my homeland forever

在每天的英語培訓中也唱著這首歌，很多學員也非常喜歡。在Sound of Music中這首歌是維也納的國歌。記得在Sound of Music中的上尉是帶著傷感的心情唱這首歌，那時正在納粹黨的迫害下唱出對在家園常見的花朶的一種念掛。離別他的家鄉，希望在花開之時，藉種在家鄉的雪絨花把無限的祝福與眷佑在苦難中的國家。

香港，雖然不是我生長之地，亦非什麼國、什麼家，但總有一種生於斯、長於斯的情懷。這裡的人、事物、街道都值得懷念。這小島的人的經歷、生存之道、適應力、視野，都有別於同級城市的中國人。在這地的人有的是比內地人更多、更自由的機會、更有利地去發揮。同樣，這地的人亦因有太多的機會而昏了頭，只在把一個又一個的機會逐一嘗試而略忽了最基本的家庭、健康、信仰、和培育孩子的重任。

我不知道紫荊花是怎樣成了香港的市花，可曾在香港盛開過。但願在香港種下紫荊花的上帝，祝佑這地，使她成為天國的殖民地。把這小島的人獨有的優越條件成為一個得天獨厚的機會去認識上帝。重新把短暫的視野轉移到永恆。

Back to Office

Finally got some sleep last night, thanks God. Today is working day!! My desk is piled with stacks and stacks of paper, sorting, filing, organizing and managing... the CFO said they are very disorganzied. ... may be that's why they need a manager.

Christine and the kids are gone last night back to South Carolina. Dad will fly to Hong Kong today, and that concluded the 2 months of Family Reunion, Short Term Mission and Summer visitation. The last two months has been fascinating and exhausted, but full of fun with the kids, joy serving with God in China and grace to cope with unexpected dilemma. Jesus grant us peace, wisdom to cope and strength to move on. What's lies ahead will be even more challenging and require totally reliance on Jesus. Jesus have mercy on us.

給姨媽的悼念 - A Final Tribute

寫於8/2/07 於廣西, 容縣

Death becomes part of life, it is expected and predictable. Yet, who can be ready to receive a death news?

姨媽 is a traditional chinese woman born in a typical family in Macau. She is the 5th sister in the family, my mom's elder sister. My impression of 姨媽 is very much dated back to those days our family still live in Hong Kong. She is a real good chef. Her home is always our gathering place for family get-together. There is a missing link for the recent years as her Alzheimer's disease become severe. She lost her ability to communicate and take care of herself. One of the purpose of my stay in HK was to evangelize to her while she is in her sick bed. Time is running out, and she didn't make it til I am complete with the mission. It is a time to learn submissive to God's time table.

姨媽 lived. Although with no spectacular legacy, her sacrificial love to her family is very much appreciated and remembered. It is nothing to be mentioned for those who love for a reward, but those who love with no condition should be respected and remembered. 姨媽's entire life s 'giving', her love to her children although not rewarded in her final years by her two sons, paid back by her always loving daughter.

上帝在中國

寫於廣西, 容縣 - 07/31/07


容縣， 一個在廣西的小城。上帝在這地方的計劃如何？要在這地開荒要一個怎樣的呼召？一個怎樣的人呢?

人意而言，這不是一個好地方居住，至少對於從西方國家來的我是。

就算來到今時今日已經是現代化不少，這裡仍然是比外邊落後。回想以前從西方國家到中國的宣教士，他們對中國濃厚感情，使他們能誇越文化的差別，衝破東方人對西方人牢牢的偏見，而仍堅守對上帝的呼召不離不棄。對於現代的信徒，包括我自己在內，這份對上帝的堅貞是罕見的。在今天，我相信在這片土地之上仍然有很多為主天天務死的福音勇士在堅守著一個向上帝的承諾。這群“無名的傳道者”讓我想起邊雲波的詩：「獻給無名的傳道者」。他們用了自己的自由走上了一條沒有自由的艱辛十架路。

主耶穌，你是最忠心的傳道者，一切美善的品德都在你身上彰顯。主，我實在不算得什麼為你受苦，求主給我們一顆受苦的心，在安逸之中不至於失去勇士的心和志氣。

獻給無名的傳道者
『是自己的手甘心放下世上的享受；
是自己的腳甘心到苦難的道路上來奔走！』
「選中」這條不自由的道路並非出於無奈，相反地
卻正是大膽地使用了自己的「自由」！
所以，寧肯叫淚水一行行地向內心湧流，
遙望著各各他的山頂，就是至死──
也絕不退後！
是的，弟兄！．

（我仿佛曾親眼看見）
是那一天你來到了主的面前！
把自己，無條件地放上了死的祭壇，
帶著了滿臉的熱淚，
說不出是快活還是辛酸……。
是的，弟兄！
（我真地像是看見）
是那一天，你奉了主的差遣，
背起了主曾背過的十字架
你出發了！
馳騁在僕僕的風塵裡，
東征西戰，
直到今天！
你出發了！

用微笑
告別了書桌上你愛戀過的書物；
用微笑
告別了日記裡你愛戀過的夢想。
正如你曾經講過地：
『是用自己的手放下了朋友，愛人，享受，和名望；
是用自己的自由選擇了艱苦的戰場！』

 …

名的傳道者！
無名的傳道者啊！
我關念而敬愛的弟兄！
多少神重視的工作裡滲雜著你的血淚，
多少神重用的僕人們是你作成的事工，
你們叫多少不知名的靈魂得到了生命，
你們的禱告也帶來多少的「時代的復興」。
你們，你們是無名的傳道者啊！
你們是我關念而且敬愛的弟兄！
弟兄！


我本想盡可能送給你一點禮品，
但因此卻顯出了我低能的拙笨，
我寫不出一行詩句足能述說我的心意，
也畫不出一張畫像足能描出你的靈魂，
我編不出一個劇本可以表達我的敬仰，
更作不出一首歌曲用來讚揚你的精神！

…


弟兄！我們走吧！
哪怕十宇架的道路越走越難，
我們的心志卻是越難越堅！
什麼時候忍耐到底把世路走完，
和恩主對面相見的時候，
再把一生的傷痛
盡情地訴說在主的面前……。

…


當人世間越發的黝黑，艱難，幽暗的時候，
我們便堅信，
黎明必遙遙可見！遙遙可見！

在家千日好

終於回到自己的家。感覺真好。

我們都長大了

今天與一班幼稚園同學聚餐。其中有一位已19年沒有見過面。這麼一別便差不多20年了！他個子高了、伴了，頭也頹了，但性格仍像昔日般率真、可愛。樣子極像填詞人Wyman。一群童年的朋友仍能相聚，在今天是極難得的事。我記得初移民的時侯非常不捨這班同學，更因大家讀完了小六便各散東西，失了聯絡。當時身在美國的我在日記中寫著：「真的希望可以登報紙，尋：玫瑰崗小學1988年P.6B班同學。」後來都把這個心願忘記了。直到6、7年前有一個男同學在網上找到了我，續漸在這些年間找到更多同班同學，現在都有差不多20個了！連同歷年的班主任Miss Lo也聯絡上了！

兒時的日子總是快樂和刻骨的。雖然今天的大家都為著明天而忙碌，但在相聚的時候總能在言語間尋著一份昔日的稚氣與真。盡管今天大家都已成為了某某公司的老闆、經理、或是已育有兒女的「大人」，但他們兒時的模樣仍在我腦海牢牢記著，永遠不死。

RXTTT - Mission Completed

Thanks God, RXTTT is concluded with lots of thanksgiving and great joy.

Thanks God that our team bond together so well even we come from different churches.

Thanks God for Dr. Silas, he is the cutest senior I've ever met, his faithful commitment to serve Jesus.

Thanks God for Elder Tim, of his great spiritual impact on me through each simple conversation with him.

Thanks God for John, for his great sense of humor and great contribution to the team with his abundant knowledge nearly everything!

Thanks God for Bryan, a quiet yet spiritually active brother.

Thanks God for Denise, we spent nights and nights of sharing together. Thanks God that we bond so well.

Thanks God for Harris, his endless idea and zealous heart in the Lord to forward God's ministry!

Thanks God that local school officials and officiers are satisfied with our course and very likely will be able to continue to work in RX, with education enrichment course as well as gospel purpose.

Thanks God that no one really got sick, at least not serious sick and we are able to cope with the environment even with 'less-ideal' sanitary facility.

Thanks God that teachers are willing to learn and able to see Jesus in us eventhough we didn't share explicitly our faith in class.

Lots and lots of thanksgiving. To God be the glory. AMEN.

Mom's B-Day Gift & Family Reunion SlideShow

July 4 - Mom's birhday. The Lee's Family 19 people celebrate at Las Vegas. Everyone of us kisses mom and greet her Happy Birthday, Mom broke into tears.

The Lee's Family Reunion (7/2 - 7/14...)

There are alot to tell in the pass two weeks of family reunion. I guess I will need to wait til I come back from RXTTT to share...


Mom and Dad are so happy! The kids are so cute! Thank God, I have a very lovely family.

渴慕祢 - Thirsty for You

在祢的恩光中　舉起手敬拜祢
在祢的居所中　張開口讚美祢
盡我心敬拜祢　讚美祢　擁戴祢

神啊！祢是我的神
我要切切全然地尋求祢
在乾旱疲乏和無水之地
我的心熱切渴想祢
神啊！祢是我的神
我要切切全然地尋求祢
在乾旱疲乏和無水的盡處
是我心嚮往著祢　渴慕祢

神啊！祢是我的神
我要切切全然地尋求祢
在乾旱疲乏和無水的盡處
是我心嚮往著祢　渴慕祢

在乾旱疲乏和無水的盡處
是我心緊靠著祢　愛慕祢

神呀! 走在盡處無水之地，是你在滋潤著我，鼓勵我拿著走下去的能力和決心。在水盡之時仍有敬拜、讚美你的能力。人的盡頭就是神的開始。事奉若不喜樂，那一定是出了問題。求主憐憫。

Being Upset for the WRONG reason!

Struggling big times. Sometimes I just feel terrible about myself.

If Jesus Christ is God and died for me...

"If Jesus Christ is God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him." -- C.T. Studd (1860-1931)

As I come to your mighty present, I am stunned. As I come to know the testimony of your faithful servant, the "I" shrunk. At one point where I think I've done so much for you, a slap on my face as I heard C.T Studd's motto: "If Jesus Christ is God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him." What a cooincident that I wrote on a piece of paper the same statement before I heard it again at prayer meeting. My dear Lord must have touched my heart in preparation for my RXTTT short term mission.

Talking about sacrifice...

whether is attending sunday worship, making time for sunday school, prayer, bible reading, caring/loving others or reading book, even giving up our pride, personal preference or even our own live... the sacrifice will be done, as the fact that He died on the cross for us penertrates deeper and deeper into our soul that our heart melt for Jesus, then no sacrifice can be too great for us to make for Him.

David's motto always remind me... II Samuel 24:24 --

"I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing." There's a cost to love God, offering is from our surplus if it won't even itches. While writing a check for offering, getting up from bed to do devotion and coming to worship, make it a pleasing sacrifice, a declaration of giving up self-preference of doing other stuff.

Jesus, I've been reserving too much for myself and too less for you. A life long lesson to learn, No Reserves, No Retreats & No Regrets for Jesus. Have mercy on me.

喜歡一個人

越來越享受一個人，生活過得很優閒。心中沒有太多牽掛。雖然爸媽不在家，但知道他們無恙，旅行、吃喝如常那就不太擔心。

將迎接前面幾個星期的忙碌，心裡不禁一寒。感覺像上一次在香港從銅鑼灣地鐡站走出地面的一刻，看到無際的人群，如同顯微鏡下無千無萬的細胞在浮游。因此趁著還未到瘋癲的程度就把握‘一個人’的機會出外走走，偷閒一下。

難得有一個沒有時間表的星期六，一個人享受不需要‘交代’的行程，把平日的忙碌推在一旁。依著‘心’所想的，遊歷處處。清晨走在沒有車的公路上。天朗氣清。開四十分鐘車程到了人流稀少的城市，道路寬一點、街道靜一點、人面也鬆容了點，心情也不那麼繃緊。雖然說不上是什麼大自然，但至少也遠離繁囂。能把紊亂、緊張的心情重新調整。方能發現自己很不正直，動機、手段、意念都很邪惡，很不聖潔。

人沒法獨自生活是無法在安靜中面對自己。時間表排得密麻麻的是怕‘沒有事情’要幹的時侯要如何自處。節目、工作就像一個又一個的浪潮覆蓋內心的實況。當潮退之時，在心靈的沙灘只遺留一堆垃圾。學習獨處、安靜是一生也得努力進修的科目。

要與創造天地萬物的主宰連上，心靈也得騰出空位容得衪的臨在。

Jacob & FayFay 玩嘢!

生日快樂

「生日快樂」一齣沒有太多感情起伏的愛情片，在平淡中寫實的描繪男女間對感情缺乏安全感和承擔的勇氣。最後換來的是一個虛擬構造出來的生日道賀。愛是愛過了，卻沒擁有過。人都認為拿捏著一刻在感情中的歡愉就是一切。眼看人都因感情處身囹圄，不是抓不到，而是捉不住。是什麼複雜了人的心。
…常聽說世界愛沒長久，哪裡會有愛無盡頭？塵俗的愛只在乎曾擁有，一刻燦爛便要走！

而我卻確信愛是恆久，碰到了你已無別求；無從解釋、不可說明的愛，千秋過後仍長存不朽！！

誰人受痛苦被懸掛在木頭？至高的愛盡見於刺穿的手；看！血在流反映愛沒保留，持續不死的愛到萬世不休！惟求奉上生命全歸主所有，要將一切盡獻於我主的手；我已決定今生再沒所求，惟望得主稱讚已足夠！…

生日快樂

每年生日也是過得熱熱鬧鬧的。是天父給我的恩賜，讓我每年總有一整個月的時間給愛我的人圍繞著。昨天終於吃完了今年生日的慶祝飯局。餐館是我一直想一嘗的Ruth Chris。跳落車走在街上也未知到那裡晚餐，漸漸走近時才驚覺給厚待了，真的受寵若驚。能夠感受到別人在自己身上動過的心思，是一種幸福。


要生日快樂並不太難吧！就是先不要求或奢求被優待，安於神給我所處環境中，懂得享受平淡安逸的生辰，就是沒有太多花巧也能感恩、自在。

我們都是寄居的

不知為什麼家裡的客廳總放著兩個行李箱。有一天不禁問媽媽，為什麼不把行李箱放置車房，待再出門時才拿出來用？媽媽忙著沒有什麼回應。

這情況可能很像昔日的以色列民四十年的曠野生活。每天的行李也放在當眼處，以免起行時找不著。

沒有一個人會把家裡大大小小的用品都收進行李箱裡去旅行。都是帶得輕便些、簡單些。住棚的日子，每天有瑪哪吃，要起行動身時耶和華的雲彩向上升，要停的時候雲彩也停住，白日有雲柱引路，夜間有火柱照明保護，四十年鞋沒行破，衣服也沒穿破，腳也沒行腫。這是神給人最基本而又必須的供應，每當人求問更多時也就是煩惱出現的時候。其實生活必須品，在美生活的我們又怎會缺乏呢？我在中國助養了一個小孩，父母都無力供養他，相片中他的鞋是穿的，衣服也殘舊，但每次收到他們的信總感到他們因有人助養小孩而十分感謝，亦別無他求。是安份。

住棚節是以色列人每年的大節，是記念著四十年在曠野住棖棚的日子，耶和華神是怎樣每天的帶領著和供應著他們一切所需。在迦南地有數不盡的食物、土地，神為什麼還要人記著那些苦日子？創造我們的神就是明白人的善忘，人很容易在得到太多而忘記自己本來是埃及的奴隸，是什麼也不能擁有的，是那地的二等公民，是沒有帶什麼到世上來的寄居者。神另有一個目的，不單要人記念以往，更是要人對現在少一份留戀，對將來多一份信心。因為我們都是寄居的，在永恆國度裡存留我們能定居的地址。

又是出門的日子，總是很害怕出門，很怕收拾行李，因為想帶的東西很多，變成煩惱，卻又不能全都帶走…唉,人就是很矛盾。

簡單

生活其實一點也不簡單。家庭、工作、事奉、人際關係、自我增值、籌算未來等等，這些最基本的也可徒一生的精力去實行。

「生活得簡單是一個概念；簡單地生活是一個操練。」- 是保守自己的心在吸引的世界中擁有得太多或想擁有得更多。

生活變得複雜、混亂來自一個「貪」。想舒適、想享受、想被愛、給擁戴、被肯定，若這一切的渴求越過了界限就變得複雜。那逾越了的渴求就無止境的貪愛更多，令自己和別人付出更多來滿足。因此事情變複雜，心靈給塗污了，基本的已不可使滿有慾望的心靈安舒。

「你要保守你心，勝過保守一切，因為一生的果效，是由心發出。」求主給我一顆緊守的心。偶爾也想望得到更多，也用了方法、手段，去逾越不屬於自己的界線。

滿足的心是非常簡單，就是主的愛，擁有著主，也被主擁有著。「我來了是叫人得生命，並且得的更豐盛。」心靈給愛我的主滿足了，生活也簡單了。